Monday, February 20, 2012

How to Deal with Rejection


by Lupe Fernandez

PREAMBLE
When, in the Course of a manuscript rejection notice, it becomes necessary for this writer to dissolve his ties with this mortal coil, and to assume that he’ll never write anymore young adult and middle grade stories which he has in mind, because said manuscripts defy the Laws of Publication Probability, and the Almighty Needs of Readers; a sober review of all future manuscript will require that he should declare his impulse to burn them.

REJECTION BILL OF WRITES
WRITE I
I shall join a cult and prohibit others from warning of me of the dangers of said cult; or stop me from ranting about feeling sorry for myself, or writing about feeling sorry for myself, or to join a group and rant about feeling sorry for myself.

WRITE II
I have the right to a stockpile to Chocolate Chip Cookies the size of a bear.

WRITE III
No Happy Thoughts will be quartered or dimed in my brain.

WRITE IV
The right of him to secure his future story ideas against critiques, reviews and hints at how bad they may be. No phone calls or emails or interventions shall be issued and the right to have an emotional seizure is protected.

WRITE V
He will not be held to answer for any remarks, gestures, or any other utterances unless the cops show up with an Arrest Warrant; He will not receive the same rejection notice twice; He is owed by the entire world: a contract, a big advance and lots of praise even if it costs him life and limb.

WRITE VI
The rejected writer shall enjoy a speedy and public meltdown. His critique group shall assemble witnesses to aid and comfort him and to bear accusations against the injustice of the world; including compulsory process of obtaining cookies that he likes.

WRITE VII
He can wear clothes that cost less than twenty dollars and not by judged by a fashion jury, or otherwise re-examined by mental health professionals.

WRITE VIII
Excessive cheerfulness shall not be required, nor excessive optimism imposed, but cruel and unusual punishments shall be inflected upon self.

WRITE IX
Everything written in the Bill of Writes shall not made fun of by others.

WRITE X
Any actions not mentioned in this Bill of Writes, but that may come up later, are reserved for this list.

Give me an Acceptance Letter or Give me...!

28 comments:

  1. Nicole, I'm sure you've never experienced rejection, but thanks for reading.
    Sincerely,
    Unrequited Unitard

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Cultist,
    Nothing says rejection like President's Day.
    Sincerely,
    Candidate Conundrum

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm clinging to Writes II and VI write now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love it! Thanks for your chuckle out loud post.

    Best regards,
    Donna
    Award-winning Children’s Author
    The Golden Pathway Story book Blog

    ReplyDelete
  5. Catherine: You can say cutely, but "very" is a very overused word.
    Donna: You're welcome. We take our chuckles seriously.
    Sincerely,
    Verily VaVoom

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks Natalie. I'm rather partial to free cookies on Friday.
    Sincerely,
    Toll House Duplex

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much for sharing this! It is fantastic, and we can all relate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sandi, some rejections are more equal than others.
      Sincerely,
      SnowBall

      Delete
  8. Oh very good. I'm tweeting this one!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks for making us all feel better - at least we're in good company! And if you belong to a writing group (I do in Scotland) then VI is mandatory.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're most welcome Rosemary. How's the weather in Scotland? Lot's of Scottish sunshine?

      "...including compulsory process of obtaining cookies..." I'm partial to Chocolate Chip Cookies.
      Sincerely,
      Loch Mexican

      Delete
    2. Afraid the weather is terrible most days - either dreich (miserably dull) or lashing with rain, as it is just now. We have too much rain and the south of England is having a drought! Roll on spring.

      Delete
  10. Dear Lupe,
    Now this is a definite work of art! Thank you for sharing your humorous take on being rejected! I loved every word of it.

    Believe in your writing
    Never Give Up
    Joan Y. Edwards

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Joan, you are most kind. I'm glad you enjoyed the post.

      For Now Is The Time for All Good Writers To Put I Before C, Except After E.

      Delete
  11. Ah yes, I needed that today, thanks for the lift.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Lizzie.
      Whenever I lift, I use my "I could've, would've, should've" muscles.
      Sincerely,
      Maybe-ish.

      Delete
  12. Oh man, I can't make fun of this pursuant to one of the Writes.

    I'll take the 5K job and the cookies.

    Lupe turn on full feed!
    Top 3 Things Well-Meaning Bloggers Do That Drive Readers Nuts

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Sophia,
      Is it Right to be Write?
      Sincerely,
      Full Feed Ahead

      Delete
  13. Join a cult? Perhaps you should start your own cult! I'm sure you would attract many followers from the masses of us who have also experienced rejection.

    I'm Tweeting this too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I call the cult The People's Love Army.
      Sincerely,
      Love Number One

      Delete
  14. I shall have to print this and post it on my bulletin board. And yes the chocolate chip cookies do help. As does a pint of ice cream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right on! Power to the Participle!
      Sincerely,
      Founding Flounder

      Delete

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