Answers to Last Group of First lines

By Susan Berger

Here are the answers to the last December post on first lines . I hunted for the new first lines in the library. One of them inspired me to sit down on the floor and read the whole book. Which ones do you know? Which ones would you like to read? Please send me some of your favorite first lines and I will use them. I am also looking for first lines from your unpublished work.

1. It was not that Omri did not appreciate Patrick’s birthday present to him. Far from it. He was really very grateful - sort of. It was, without a doubt, very kind of Patrick to give Omri anything at all, let alone a second hand plastic Indian that he himself had finished with.

The Indian in the Cupboard Lynne Reid Banks

2. Alexander Brand was a secret agent. He had saved the world on more than a dozen occasions.

Nerds Michael Buckley

3. In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him. On the same day another English child was born to a rich family of the name of Tudor, who did want him. All England wanted him too.

The Prince and the Pauper Mark Twain

4. On Monday in math class, Mrs. Fibonocci says, “You know, you can think of almost everything as a math problem.”

Math Curse Jon Scieszka Illustrated by Lane Smith

5. Prologue: The night was cold and dead and so felt Clarence’s heart.

Chapter one first line: Hanging outside the gates of the city of Dunce was a sign that read

No gnomes

No mages

Etcetera

The Farfield Curse Brian Ambric

6. I live in a yellow house surrounded by a white picket fence. The enormous elm tree in front of my house has birds chirping away in it. As I sit quietly by my dormer window at my antique wood desk, I see two squirrels chase each other in the front lawn. I smile. The garbage man waves at me. I wave back. I have a Size 0 body and perfectly applied make-up. My sister comes in and gives me a hug.

Yeah, right! In your dreams.

Wet Foot Dry Foot Hilde Garcia (not yet accepted for publication)

7. Mr. Piggott lived with his two sons, Simon and Patrick, in a nice house with a nice garden, and a nice car in the nice garage. Inside the house was his wife.

Piggybook Anthony Browne

8. I’d never given much thought to how I would die –though I’d had reason enough in the last few months-but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

Twilight Stephenie Meyer

9. The morning the rainbow came, Genevieve's sheep were still white. Or rather grey and dirty brown and sheep tend to be.

Rainbow Sheep written and illustrated by Kim McDougal

10. In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines

Madeline written and illustrated by Ludwig Bemelmaus

New first lines

1. “Hey Killer! How’s your Boyfriend?”

2. It began one summer about thirty years ago and it happened to four children.

3. That fool of a fairy Lucinda did not intend to lay a curse on me.

4. She says she didn’t mean to. She says she found them in my room, and they were so good she couldn’t help showing them to mom.

5. Today I moved to a twelve-acre rock covered with cement, topped with bird turd and surrounded by water.

6. Out in the hottest, dustiest part of town is an orphanage run by a female person nasty enough to scare night into day.

7. Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a castle

8. Worms dangles in Aunt Jessica’s kitchen: red worms swarming over a lump of brown mud in a bowl. The bowl and the worms and the lump of mud were in a crossed stitched picture hanging above the stove.

9. Samantha shivered and wrapped her jacket tighter.

10. Not long ago in a large university town in California, on a street called Orchard Avenue, a strange old man ran a dusty shabby store.

Three Ideas for Writing Renewal in 2010

by Kris Kahrs

This is the time of year that gets me thinking about things I can do to improve my life in the coming year. And that list includes some ideas I’ve gathered to jumpstart my writing when the muse has fallen asleep on the train and missed her stop. I’m listing three of the ideas here on the Pen and Ink blog, so that our writer friends can give them a try too.


1) Question Authority. In other words, we add things to our New Year’s Resolutions each year, but maybe we need to examine what’s already there. Instead of adding a whole new layer of “things I should do”, how about analyzing the underlying beliefs that affect our writing? For example, do you feel that you can only knock out a chunk of writing if you are seated at your desk for a couple of hours or more? If so, question this belief. How is it affecting your work? Does it limit you to only producing when you have a significant amount of time to invest? What would happen if you challenged this belief? What would happen if you wrote down a couple of sentences the next time you were in the car (as a passenger, mind you). What if instead of texting your buddies, you texted some writing to your email? Experiment with your comfort zone. How about turning down lunch with your office friends in exchange for writing while you eat your lunch alone? Sharon Steiner Hart writes more about challenging one’s rules here on her Birth Your Dream Life blog.


2) Kill the Critic. This seemingly harsh suggestion means stop and be aware of the negative self-talk in your head when you write. I think most of us are unaware that we have an internal critic living inside our heads. Try spotting your critic the next time you sit down to write. For instance, you write an opening chapter, as you start the second chapter, you go back and rewrite the first. You start on the second chapter again, you stop and go back to the first chapter and rewrite it again. Suddenly, you’re frustrated, you want to move forward, you get up from the table, disgusted. You get a drink of water, come back and start work again on the second chapter, finishing it and moving on to the third, when you start reading your first chapter again and start to edit it. What is actually happening here? There is an inner critic talking to you. The critic is saying, “what is wrong with this first chapter”? “It’s not right.” Then the critic says, “why do you need to go back and revise that again”? “Move on!”

To combat the critic, once you identify the negative voice, talk back to it. Over at Life Learning Today blog, Agent Sully suggests that the critic is a judgmental mode that we use towards others that becomes an unconscious habit. Although, Agent Sully uses a compassionate voice to combat the critic, I find a positive statement of fact more helpful. So, if I’m experiencing a lot of interruptions in the form of phone calls, doorbells, cats jumping on my lap etc. and I am feeling frustrated that I’m not getting more done, chances are that my internal critic is saying something along the lines of, “see? You should’ve started this sooner, then you wouldn’t have to be in such a rush.” For me, an objective re-framing of the situation, “I’m experiencing some interruptions. Maybe I need to go someplace quieter”, removes the blame from an otherwise random situation and allows me to move forward, instead of getting bogged down in the frustration of circumstances.


3) Remember your goal. We start off the New Year with our writing goals, right? It’s easy to forget what those goals are as the year trudges onward and so many issues pop up. With publishing being the eventual goal for most writers, it’s not likely the goal will be achieved in a year, which means your goal from 2009 will be the same for 2010. How to keep your lofty goal uppermost in mind? Get a little support from the Polaroid project. Have a friend snap a Polaroid of you, write what you want to accomplish before you die in the white space below the photo and send it along to the address listed on the website. In 5, 10 or 20 years, the creators, Nicole Kenney and KS Rivers will contact the participants to see if they’ve achieved their goals, if they’re still in the process or why they haven’t progressed.

This is a fascinating project that was inspired by three things: a) the death of the Polaroid b) a psychologist’s tool called a safety contract and c) cultural study and encouragement. Take a gander when you have a moment. You will come away inspired.

Revision Hints from the '08 SBA Writer's Conference

Revison Tactics


I got these hints from the 2008 SBA writers conference. I find them very helpful. I hope you will too.

Get Ready
Print out a fresh hard copy.
Put it in a binder.
Make a title page.
Write a great blurb (or put the name of an author you love and pretend you are reading their book.)

Reading your Revision
Read like a reader.
Take minimal notes.
Fight the urge to edit

However if you Must edit, here are five quick editing symbols you can use:
1. Smiley face: Like it a lot
2. Check mark: Story Dragging
3. ( ): Clunk writing. Metaphors they don't work. Sentences that don't make sense.
4. O : Material missing.... Transition point? Explanation?
5. ? : What was I thinking? I am Confused!

When you finish the first read, it is time for analysis:
Does my story make sense?
Do the Characters act like real people?
Is the setting a character in my story ? (The soul of a place comes from the person who is experiencing the place. What about the place does the protagonist not understand. What are three details only your protagonist can see)

Helpful thing to do: (send your character forward in time one year from the time the story ends. How do they see it now)

The Characters
The voice of the author comes from the characters. How do they express themselves.

At every significant juncture in the story look at the viewpoint of every character and let them make thee best move they can from his or her point of view.

Are there any coincidences that HELP the lead character? This is not generally a good idea. Coincidence should HURT the lead character.

Are the stakes high enough? Is "Death" overhanging. Either Physical, professional or psychological or emotional Death?

Societal stakes: Does what happens to the character affect the people around him?

Do the scenes flow or are they choppy?

Does the story feel organic?
Are the transitions clear?
Helpful thing to do: Create an actual physical calendar. Put in the plot points.

Do my main characters "jump off the page"?
Write simple stories with complex characters. The key to originality in fiction is not the plot, but the characters.

Follow the character's passion. What does he yearn for?

Helpful thing to do: Create an off camera scene. Put the character in an uncomfortable place. See what she/he does

Is there enough "worry fodder"? We want to care about these people.

At what point could a busy editor put my book aside and not come back to it?

"A great story is life with the dull parts taken out."

Write a summary (2000-3000 words.) Change what you need to make it compelling.
Now you are ready for the second draft. Rewrite according to the new story.

Helpful thing to do: Go to a bookstore and read all of Dean Koontz's opening paragraphs. I would add to that: Read the opening of Ellen Raskin's "The Westing Game." I went to Barnes and Noble and spent an hour reading opening pages. I do this for both picture books and novels

Using the Pareto Principle (the 80/20 Rule) to Manage Your Writing

Using the Pareto Principle (80/20 rule) to Manage Your Writing.
It seems counterintuitive to suggest that applying a business management principle to your writing would be helpful, akin to prying a cake out of a pan with a crowbar, but the Pareto Principle (a.k.a. the 80/20 rule), has such wide application, it can be a benefit to almost any situation. The 80/20 rule is a natural phenomenon, like the golden ratio in a nautilus spiral. It will show itself in what you do, without you trying to encourage or avoid it. Which is why, if you observe it in the practice of writing, you can make it work for you.
First, what it is. The principle states that roughly 80% of effects stem from 20% of the causes. An example of this would be: 80% of the meals that are eaten are made up of only 20% of the foods liked best, in the diet. (There’s more about the 80/20 rule in Wikipedia. For the purposes of this article, I’m moving forward.)
There’s never enough writing time for writers. To optimize your available time, look at how it’s spent. Is there one piece that is taking up about 80% of time? You may want to re-think that time suck as it may eventually yield only 20% of results. This is a converse example, but also true to the rule. Analyze your work from the start going forward and from the end going backwards. Analyzing from the start would look like this, “how much time is spent on what pieces? What takes up the majority of time? Is it one character, one chapter, one series? Why?” After analysis, you may find that you write for, say, 4 hours per day and 3 of those 4 hours are spent on poetry and 1 hour is spent on essay writing. Next, analyze your work from the end going backwards. You look at your paid and/ or published work and find that 75% of the paid work consists of essays and 65% of the published work is essay work. Now you have the power to make some decisions. Do you want to keep on with the poetry? If so, do you want to spend more time on the essay work and less on the poetry? Is there a way to increase the effectiveness of the allocated poetry time? Is there a way to increase the payment and publication of your poetry?
Apply the 80/20 rule to look at both the macro and the microcosm. On the large scale, use it to evaluate publication efforts. How good is your cover letter? Try different versions. Which version receives the desired response? Do you see a pattern? What is responsible for 80% of your hits? For 80% of your misses? On the small scale, use it to evaluate your writing. See what % of the words you use are adverbs. Take them out. Does it make your writing stronger? What % is made up of “but, and, then”? Rinse and repeat.
It can also be used for promotion efforts. Which social media platform gives the biggest bang for the buck? Figure out how many responses come from Twitter, Facebook, blog or webpage. Which one gets the most traffic/responses per month? How much time is required for maintenance during the same period of time? You should see a clear majority/minority split in your time requirement and in the number of traffic/visitors/responses. At this point, you can make powerful decisions that will give you back control of your time and direction.
Once you experience the effectiveness of this tool, you may want to apply it every which way to your life, which is fine, but if you’re writing practice feels scattered, use it there first and see the results. Happy writing!

"First Line" Answers and More First-Lines-of-Famous-Books to Scratch Your Head Over by Sue Berger

Here are the answers to last weeks first lines and a new group of first lines. As usual, there is one ringer. Please enjoy these lines. Which ones did you know? Which ones inspire you to read more?

Last week’s First lines

Once on a dark winter's day, when the yellow fog hung so thick and heavy in the streets of London that the lamps were lighted and the shop windows blazed with gas as they do at night, an odd-looking little girl sat in a cab with her father and was driven rather slowly through the big thoroughfares.  A Little Princess. Frances Hodgson Burnett

The galaxy is an awfully big place so I don't expect you to know about my home world, Harmony; but my ancestors came from Earth. Sweetwater Lawrence Yep

Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.   Winnie The Pooh A.A Milne

It was a clear sparkling winter’s day.

The Magic Snowman  Catherine Walters Illustrated by Allison Edgson

Sylvester lived with his mother and father at Acorn Avenue in Oatsdale.  One of his hobbies was collecting pebbles of unusual shape and color.

Sylvester and the Magic Pebble  written and illustrated by William Steig

David’s Mom always said…”No David.”

No David  written and illustrated by David Shannon

The principal's office was becoming way too familiar. Tasha rubbed her sore knuckles and wished she was invisible. Tasha the Magnificent  Susan Berger

In the biggest, brownest muddiest river in all Africa, two crocodiles lay with their heads just above the water. One of the crocodiles was enormous. The other was not so big.

The Enormous Crocodile. Roald Dahl Illustrated by Quentin Blake.

Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents.

Little Women Louisa May Alcott

“There are dragons in the twin’s vegetable garden.” Meg Murray took her head out of the refrigerator where she had been foraging for an after-school snack, and looked at her six-year-old brother.  “What?”

A Wind in the Door  Madeline L’Engle

Are you there God? It’s me Margaret. We’re moving today. I’m so scared God. I’ve never lived anywhere but here. Suppose I hate my new school? Suppose everyone there hates me? Please help me God. Don’t let New Jersey be too horrible. Thank you.

Are you there God? It’s me Margaret Judy Blume

                                         New First Lines               

1. It was not that Omri did not appreciate Patrick’s birthday present to him. Far from it.  He was really very grateful - sort of.  It was, without a doubt, very kind of Patrick to give Omri anything at all, let alone a second hand plastic Indian that he himself had finished with.

2.  Alexander Brand was a secret agent.  He had saved the world on more than a dozen occasions.

3.  In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him. On the same day another English child was born to a rich family of the name of Tudor, who did want him. All England wanted him too.

4.  On Monday in math class, Mrs. Fibonocci says, “You know, you can think of almost everything as a math problem.”

5.  Prologue: The night was cold and dead and so felt Clarence’s heart.

Chapter one first line: Hanging outside the gates of the city of Dunce was a sign that read

No gnomes

No mages

Etcetera

     6.  I live in a yellow house surrounded by a white picket fence. The enormous elm tree in front of my house has birds chirping away in it. As I sit quietly by my dormer window at my antique wood desk, I see two squirrels chase each other in the front lawn. I smile. The garbage man waves at me. I wave back. I have a Size 0 body and perfectly applied make-up. My sister comes in and gives me a hug.

Yeah, right! In your dreams.

     7.  Mr. Piggott lived with his two sons, Simon and Patrick, in a nice house with a nice garden, and a nice car in the nice garage. Inside the house was his wife.

     8.  I’d never given much thought to how I would die –though I’d had reason enough in the last few months-but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

     9.  The morning the rainbow came, Genevieve's sheep were still white. Or rather grey and dirty brown as sheep tend to be.

     10  In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines

Eat My Art Please

by Lupe Fernandez

I read Leonardo’s Shadow Or, My Astonishing Life as Leonardo da Vinci’s Servant by Christopher Grey. The book chronicles the life da Vinci’s teenage servant, Giacomo, during the painting of the Last Supper in Milan. Giacomo found serving with the great Master Artist a life of danger and debt. The Duke of Milan, da Vinci’s patron, demanded da Vinci finish the Last Supper painting. Da Vinci demanded money owed by the Duke and Giacomo demanded respect from The Master.

Art and Commerce. The eternal struggle.

If the great Leonardo had so much trouble in the 15th century, what chance have I in the 21st?

I work in a downtown Los Angeles office – they don’t pay me to write, so I’m not naming them for publicity - Monday through Friday, regular business hours. I go home and write. At work, I sit at a computer all day, and hear the clack of keyboards, the ring of phones, smell hot printer toner and microwave popcorn, feel the whoosh of air in a pressurized stairwell and the sway of the high-rise in strong winds.

I’ve been an employee at this office since cell phones were the size of briefcases. I have health insurance, a 401K plan, a retirement plan, vacation pay and all the filtered water I can drink. Sounds like a good deal. The office is my unofficial patron. Not as mighty as the Duke Ludovico Sforza, but the company has survived the big economic dip of 2008-2009.

And yet…

In the crush of commuters on the MTA subway, in the press of bodies at the corner of 5th and Hill Street waiting for the traffic light to change, amid gasoline odors, hot engines, blaring horns, stale urine, black blotches dotting the sidewalk, I wonder: Could I make a living at writing?

I avoid thoughts of career change by sequing to a literal interpretation of writing for a living.

To eat for one’s art.

To eat art.

To eat paper – my writing medium - I need to digest cellulose like cattle or termites. I’d need a micro-symbotic protozoa to live in my intesitines. A protozoa like Trichonympha would digest the paper for me and provide my body with the cellulose’s nutrients. Hmmm…tasty. The paper could be coated with cherry, orange or lime flavor additives. I could eat my rough drafts. Of course, there’s the matter of rent, utilities, insurance, etc…

A diet of paper would get tiresome.

In Leonardo’s Shadow, Giacomo endures insults, assaults and starvation in service to his Master. “Every artist has to start somewhere,” Giacomo realizes by the end of the book. “The important thing…is to keep going until you come to the end.”