Answers to Last Group of First lines

By Susan Berger

Here are the answers to the last December post on first lines . I hunted for the new first lines in the library. One of them inspired me to sit down on the floor and read the whole book. Which ones do you know? Which ones would you like to read? Please send me some of your favorite first lines and I will use them. I am also looking for first lines from your unpublished work.

1. It was not that Omri did not appreciate Patrick’s birthday present to him. Far from it. He was really very grateful - sort of. It was, without a doubt, very kind of Patrick to give Omri anything at all, let alone a second hand plastic Indian that he himself had finished with.

The Indian in the Cupboard Lynne Reid Banks

2. Alexander Brand was a secret agent. He had saved the world on more than a dozen occasions.

Nerds Michael Buckley

3. In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him. On the same day another English child was born to a rich family of the name of Tudor, who did want him. All England wanted him too.

The Prince and the Pauper Mark Twain

4. On Monday in math class, Mrs. Fibonocci says, “You know, you can think of almost everything as a math problem.”

Math Curse Jon Scieszka Illustrated by Lane Smith

5. Prologue: The night was cold and dead and so felt Clarence’s heart.

Chapter one first line: Hanging outside the gates of the city of Dunce was a sign that read

No gnomes

No mages

Etcetera

The Farfield Curse Brian Ambric

6. I live in a yellow house surrounded by a white picket fence. The enormous elm tree in front of my house has birds chirping away in it. As I sit quietly by my dormer window at my antique wood desk, I see two squirrels chase each other in the front lawn. I smile. The garbage man waves at me. I wave back. I have a Size 0 body and perfectly applied make-up. My sister comes in and gives me a hug.

Yeah, right! In your dreams.

Wet Foot Dry Foot Hilde Garcia (not yet accepted for publication)

7. Mr. Piggott lived with his two sons, Simon and Patrick, in a nice house with a nice garden, and a nice car in the nice garage. Inside the house was his wife.

Piggybook Anthony Browne

8. I’d never given much thought to how I would die –though I’d had reason enough in the last few months-but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

Twilight Stephenie Meyer

9. The morning the rainbow came, Genevieve's sheep were still white. Or rather grey and dirty brown and sheep tend to be.

Rainbow Sheep written and illustrated by Kim McDougal

10. In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines

Madeline written and illustrated by Ludwig Bemelmaus

New first lines

1. “Hey Killer! How’s your Boyfriend?”

2. It began one summer about thirty years ago and it happened to four children.

3. That fool of a fairy Lucinda did not intend to lay a curse on me.

4. She says she didn’t mean to. She says she found them in my room, and they were so good she couldn’t help showing them to mom.

5. Today I moved to a twelve-acre rock covered with cement, topped with bird turd and surrounded by water.

6. Out in the hottest, dustiest part of town is an orphanage run by a female person nasty enough to scare night into day.

7. Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a castle

8. Worms dangles in Aunt Jessica’s kitchen: red worms swarming over a lump of brown mud in a bowl. The bowl and the worms and the lump of mud were in a crossed stitched picture hanging above the stove.

9. Samantha shivered and wrapped her jacket tighter.

10. Not long ago in a large university town in California, on a street called Orchard Avenue, a strange old man ran a dusty shabby store.

Three Ideas for Writing Renewal in 2010

by Kris Kahrs

This is the time of year that gets me thinking about things I can do to improve my life in the coming year. And that list includes some ideas I’ve gathered to jumpstart my writing when the muse has fallen asleep on the train and missed her stop. I’m listing three of the ideas here on the Pen and Ink blog, so that our writer friends can give them a try too.


1) Question Authority. In other words, we add things to our New Year’s Resolutions each year, but maybe we need to examine what’s already there. Instead of adding a whole new layer of “things I should do”, how about analyzing the underlying beliefs that affect our writing? For example, do you feel that you can only knock out a chunk of writing if you are seated at your desk for a couple of hours or more? If so, question this belief. How is it affecting your work? Does it limit you to only producing when you have a significant amount of time to invest? What would happen if you challenged this belief? What would happen if you wrote down a couple of sentences the next time you were in the car (as a passenger, mind you). What if instead of texting your buddies, you texted some writing to your email? Experiment with your comfort zone. How about turning down lunch with your office friends in exchange for writing while you eat your lunch alone? Sharon Steiner Hart writes more about challenging one’s rules here on her Birth Your Dream Life blog.


2) Kill the Critic. This seemingly harsh suggestion means stop and be aware of the negative self-talk in your head when you write. I think most of us are unaware that we have an internal critic living inside our heads. Try spotting your critic the next time you sit down to write. For instance, you write an opening chapter, as you start the second chapter, you go back and rewrite the first. You start on the second chapter again, you stop and go back to the first chapter and rewrite it again. Suddenly, you’re frustrated, you want to move forward, you get up from the table, disgusted. You get a drink of water, come back and start work again on the second chapter, finishing it and moving on to the third, when you start reading your first chapter again and start to edit it. What is actually happening here? There is an inner critic talking to you. The critic is saying, “what is wrong with this first chapter”? “It’s not right.” Then the critic says, “why do you need to go back and revise that again”? “Move on!”

To combat the critic, once you identify the negative voice, talk back to it. Over at Life Learning Today blog, Agent Sully suggests that the critic is a judgmental mode that we use towards others that becomes an unconscious habit. Although, Agent Sully uses a compassionate voice to combat the critic, I find a positive statement of fact more helpful. So, if I’m experiencing a lot of interruptions in the form of phone calls, doorbells, cats jumping on my lap etc. and I am feeling frustrated that I’m not getting more done, chances are that my internal critic is saying something along the lines of, “see? You should’ve started this sooner, then you wouldn’t have to be in such a rush.” For me, an objective re-framing of the situation, “I’m experiencing some interruptions. Maybe I need to go someplace quieter”, removes the blame from an otherwise random situation and allows me to move forward, instead of getting bogged down in the frustration of circumstances.


3) Remember your goal. We start off the New Year with our writing goals, right? It’s easy to forget what those goals are as the year trudges onward and so many issues pop up. With publishing being the eventual goal for most writers, it’s not likely the goal will be achieved in a year, which means your goal from 2009 will be the same for 2010. How to keep your lofty goal uppermost in mind? Get a little support from the Polaroid project. Have a friend snap a Polaroid of you, write what you want to accomplish before you die in the white space below the photo and send it along to the address listed on the website. In 5, 10 or 20 years, the creators, Nicole Kenney and KS Rivers will contact the participants to see if they’ve achieved their goals, if they’re still in the process or why they haven’t progressed.

This is a fascinating project that was inspired by three things: a) the death of the Polaroid b) a psychologist’s tool called a safety contract and c) cultural study and encouragement. Take a gander when you have a moment. You will come away inspired.

Revision Hints from the '08 SBA Writer's Conference

Revison Tactics


I got these hints from the 2008 SBA writers conference. I find them very helpful. I hope you will too.

Get Ready
Print out a fresh hard copy.
Put it in a binder.
Make a title page.
Write a great blurb (or put the name of an author you love and pretend you are reading their book.)

Reading your Revision
Read like a reader.
Take minimal notes.
Fight the urge to edit

However if you Must edit, here are five quick editing symbols you can use:
1. Smiley face: Like it a lot
2. Check mark: Story Dragging
3. ( ): Clunk writing. Metaphors they don't work. Sentences that don't make sense.
4. O : Material missing.... Transition point? Explanation?
5. ? : What was I thinking? I am Confused!

When you finish the first read, it is time for analysis:
Does my story make sense?
Do the Characters act like real people?
Is the setting a character in my story ? (The soul of a place comes from the person who is experiencing the place. What about the place does the protagonist not understand. What are three details only your protagonist can see)

Helpful thing to do: (send your character forward in time one year from the time the story ends. How do they see it now)

The Characters
The voice of the author comes from the characters. How do they express themselves.

At every significant juncture in the story look at the viewpoint of every character and let them make thee best move they can from his or her point of view.

Are there any coincidences that HELP the lead character? This is not generally a good idea. Coincidence should HURT the lead character.

Are the stakes high enough? Is "Death" overhanging. Either Physical, professional or psychological or emotional Death?

Societal stakes: Does what happens to the character affect the people around him?

Do the scenes flow or are they choppy?

Does the story feel organic?
Are the transitions clear?
Helpful thing to do: Create an actual physical calendar. Put in the plot points.

Do my main characters "jump off the page"?
Write simple stories with complex characters. The key to originality in fiction is not the plot, but the characters.

Follow the character's passion. What does he yearn for?

Helpful thing to do: Create an off camera scene. Put the character in an uncomfortable place. See what she/he does

Is there enough "worry fodder"? We want to care about these people.

At what point could a busy editor put my book aside and not come back to it?

"A great story is life with the dull parts taken out."

Write a summary (2000-3000 words.) Change what you need to make it compelling.
Now you are ready for the second draft. Rewrite according to the new story.

Helpful thing to do: Go to a bookstore and read all of Dean Koontz's opening paragraphs. I would add to that: Read the opening of Ellen Raskin's "The Westing Game." I went to Barnes and Noble and spent an hour reading opening pages. I do this for both picture books and novels

Using the Pareto Principle (the 80/20 Rule) to Manage Your Writing

Using the Pareto Principle (80/20 rule) to Manage Your Writing.
It seems counterintuitive to suggest that applying a business management principle to your writing would be helpful, akin to prying a cake out of a pan with a crowbar, but the Pareto Principle (a.k.a. the 80/20 rule), has such wide application, it can be a benefit to almost any situation. The 80/20 rule is a natural phenomenon, like the golden ratio in a nautilus spiral. It will show itself in what you do, without you trying to encourage or avoid it. Which is why, if you observe it in the practice of writing, you can make it work for you.
First, what it is. The principle states that roughly 80% of effects stem from 20% of the causes. An example of this would be: 80% of the meals that are eaten are made up of only 20% of the foods liked best, in the diet. (There’s more about the 80/20 rule in Wikipedia. For the purposes of this article, I’m moving forward.)
There’s never enough writing time for writers. To optimize your available time, look at how it’s spent. Is there one piece that is taking up about 80% of time? You may want to re-think that time suck as it may eventually yield only 20% of results. This is a converse example, but also true to the rule. Analyze your work from the start going forward and from the end going backwards. Analyzing from the start would look like this, “how much time is spent on what pieces? What takes up the majority of time? Is it one character, one chapter, one series? Why?” After analysis, you may find that you write for, say, 4 hours per day and 3 of those 4 hours are spent on poetry and 1 hour is spent on essay writing. Next, analyze your work from the end going backwards. You look at your paid and/ or published work and find that 75% of the paid work consists of essays and 65% of the published work is essay work. Now you have the power to make some decisions. Do you want to keep on with the poetry? If so, do you want to spend more time on the essay work and less on the poetry? Is there a way to increase the effectiveness of the allocated poetry time? Is there a way to increase the payment and publication of your poetry?
Apply the 80/20 rule to look at both the macro and the microcosm. On the large scale, use it to evaluate publication efforts. How good is your cover letter? Try different versions. Which version receives the desired response? Do you see a pattern? What is responsible for 80% of your hits? For 80% of your misses? On the small scale, use it to evaluate your writing. See what % of the words you use are adverbs. Take them out. Does it make your writing stronger? What % is made up of “but, and, then”? Rinse and repeat.
It can also be used for promotion efforts. Which social media platform gives the biggest bang for the buck? Figure out how many responses come from Twitter, Facebook, blog or webpage. Which one gets the most traffic/responses per month? How much time is required for maintenance during the same period of time? You should see a clear majority/minority split in your time requirement and in the number of traffic/visitors/responses. At this point, you can make powerful decisions that will give you back control of your time and direction.
Once you experience the effectiveness of this tool, you may want to apply it every which way to your life, which is fine, but if you’re writing practice feels scattered, use it there first and see the results. Happy writing!

"First Line" Answers and More First-Lines-of-Famous-Books to Scratch Your Head Over by Sue Berger

Here are the answers to last weeks first lines and a new group of first lines. As usual, there is one ringer. Please enjoy these lines. Which ones did you know? Which ones inspire you to read more?

Last week’s First lines

Once on a dark winter's day, when the yellow fog hung so thick and heavy in the streets of London that the lamps were lighted and the shop windows blazed with gas as they do at night, an odd-looking little girl sat in a cab with her father and was driven rather slowly through the big thoroughfares.  A Little Princess. Frances Hodgson Burnett

The galaxy is an awfully big place so I don't expect you to know about my home world, Harmony; but my ancestors came from Earth. Sweetwater Lawrence Yep

Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.   Winnie The Pooh A.A Milne

It was a clear sparkling winter’s day.

The Magic Snowman  Catherine Walters Illustrated by Allison Edgson

Sylvester lived with his mother and father at Acorn Avenue in Oatsdale.  One of his hobbies was collecting pebbles of unusual shape and color.

Sylvester and the Magic Pebble  written and illustrated by William Steig

David’s Mom always said…”No David.”

No David  written and illustrated by David Shannon

The principal's office was becoming way too familiar. Tasha rubbed her sore knuckles and wished she was invisible. Tasha the Magnificent  Susan Berger

In the biggest, brownest muddiest river in all Africa, two crocodiles lay with their heads just above the water. One of the crocodiles was enormous. The other was not so big.

The Enormous Crocodile. Roald Dahl Illustrated by Quentin Blake.

Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents.

Little Women Louisa May Alcott

“There are dragons in the twin’s vegetable garden.” Meg Murray took her head out of the refrigerator where she had been foraging for an after-school snack, and looked at her six-year-old brother.  “What?”

A Wind in the Door  Madeline L’Engle

Are you there God? It’s me Margaret. We’re moving today. I’m so scared God. I’ve never lived anywhere but here. Suppose I hate my new school? Suppose everyone there hates me? Please help me God. Don’t let New Jersey be too horrible. Thank you.

Are you there God? It’s me Margaret Judy Blume

                                         New First Lines               

1. It was not that Omri did not appreciate Patrick’s birthday present to him. Far from it.  He was really very grateful - sort of.  It was, without a doubt, very kind of Patrick to give Omri anything at all, let alone a second hand plastic Indian that he himself had finished with.

2.  Alexander Brand was a secret agent.  He had saved the world on more than a dozen occasions.

3.  In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him. On the same day another English child was born to a rich family of the name of Tudor, who did want him. All England wanted him too.

4.  On Monday in math class, Mrs. Fibonocci says, “You know, you can think of almost everything as a math problem.”

5.  Prologue: The night was cold and dead and so felt Clarence’s heart.

Chapter one first line: Hanging outside the gates of the city of Dunce was a sign that read

No gnomes

No mages

Etcetera

     6.  I live in a yellow house surrounded by a white picket fence. The enormous elm tree in front of my house has birds chirping away in it. As I sit quietly by my dormer window at my antique wood desk, I see two squirrels chase each other in the front lawn. I smile. The garbage man waves at me. I wave back. I have a Size 0 body and perfectly applied make-up. My sister comes in and gives me a hug.

Yeah, right! In your dreams.

     7.  Mr. Piggott lived with his two sons, Simon and Patrick, in a nice house with a nice garden, and a nice car in the nice garage. Inside the house was his wife.

     8.  I’d never given much thought to how I would die –though I’d had reason enough in the last few months-but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

     9.  The morning the rainbow came, Genevieve's sheep were still white. Or rather grey and dirty brown as sheep tend to be.

     10  In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines

Eat My Art Please

by Lupe Fernandez

I read Leonardo’s Shadow Or, My Astonishing Life as Leonardo da Vinci’s Servant by Christopher Grey. The book chronicles the life da Vinci’s teenage servant, Giacomo, during the painting of the Last Supper in Milan. Giacomo found serving with the great Master Artist a life of danger and debt. The Duke of Milan, da Vinci’s patron, demanded da Vinci finish the Last Supper painting. Da Vinci demanded money owed by the Duke and Giacomo demanded respect from The Master.

Art and Commerce. The eternal struggle.

If the great Leonardo had so much trouble in the 15th century, what chance have I in the 21st?

I work in a downtown Los Angeles office – they don’t pay me to write, so I’m not naming them for publicity - Monday through Friday, regular business hours. I go home and write. At work, I sit at a computer all day, and hear the clack of keyboards, the ring of phones, smell hot printer toner and microwave popcorn, feel the whoosh of air in a pressurized stairwell and the sway of the high-rise in strong winds.

I’ve been an employee at this office since cell phones were the size of briefcases. I have health insurance, a 401K plan, a retirement plan, vacation pay and all the filtered water I can drink. Sounds like a good deal. The office is my unofficial patron. Not as mighty as the Duke Ludovico Sforza, but the company has survived the big economic dip of 2008-2009.

And yet…

In the crush of commuters on the MTA subway, in the press of bodies at the corner of 5th and Hill Street waiting for the traffic light to change, amid gasoline odors, hot engines, blaring horns, stale urine, black blotches dotting the sidewalk, I wonder: Could I make a living at writing?

I avoid thoughts of career change by sequing to a literal interpretation of writing for a living.

To eat for one’s art.

To eat art.

To eat paper – my writing medium - I need to digest cellulose like cattle or termites. I’d need a micro-symbotic protozoa to live in my intesitines. A protozoa like Trichonympha would digest the paper for me and provide my body with the cellulose’s nutrients. Hmmm…tasty. The paper could be coated with cherry, orange or lime flavor additives. I could eat my rough drafts. Of course, there’s the matter of rent, utilities, insurance, etc…

A diet of paper would get tiresome.

In Leonardo’s Shadow, Giacomo endures insults, assaults and starvation in service to his Master. “Every artist has to start somewhere,” Giacomo realizes by the end of the book. “The important thing…is to keep going until you come to the end.”

The Write Song

by Lupe Fernandez

Among the songs that inspire me to work on my YA manuscript, I listen to “I Can’t Get Next To You.” Released in 1969, this number one single was recorded by The Temptations for Motown Records. After the dynamic intro, the first line is “I can turn the gray sky blue.” The singers, voices ranging up and down the scale, falsetto to basso, list the various miracles the song’s persona can perform, such building a castle from a grain of sand, sailing a ship on dry land, flying like a bird, turning a river into fire, or controling seasons and time. Alas, the song’s persona is unhappy because all his power cannot make a certain girl love him.

In my manuscript, a fifth grader teams up with a boy shaman to earn the love of girl in his class. Though the boy shaman possesses great power to “Make the seasons change/Just by wavin' my hand,” he resists helping the fifth grader, who is desperate for the love of the prettiest girl in his class.

Sensory details come to mind. Longing is the clank of a chain link fence on a empty playground, the sour taste of old milk, the stink of urinal cakes in the boys’ room, the painful splinter from a tan bark chip, construction paper red of an empty Valentine card.

The gusty delivery of “I Can’t Get Next To You” reminds me that great abilities pale in comparison to love, even for a fifth grade boy living in 1973.

“Unimportant are all the things I can do.
'Cause I can't get next to you.”

Don’t take my word for it, have a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ5bHts9dNA

New First Lines

by Susan Berger

I posted the answers for the last group of first lines and forgot to post any new lines. (Too involved in NanoWriMo story/) Here is a new group of first lines. Won’t you please send me some of your favorite first lings and also the first line of an unpublished story of your own? You can reach me at sueberger3@aol.com.

How many have these books have your read? Which ones would you like to try?

1.Once on a dark winter's day, when the yellow fog hung so thick and heavy in the streets of London that the lamps were lighted and the shop windows blazed with gas as they do at night, an odd-looking little girl sat in a cab with her father and was driven rather slowly through the big thoroughfares.

2. The galaxy is an awfully big place so I don't expect you to know about my home world, Harmony; but my ancestors came from Earth.

3. Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.

3a."Where's Papa going with that ax?" said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.

4. It was a clear sparkling winter’s day.

5. Sylvester lived with his mother and father at Acorn Avenue in Oatsdale. One of his hobbies was collecting pebbles of unusual shape and color.

6. David’s Mom always said…”No David.”

7. The principal's office was becoming way too familiar. Tasha rubbed her sore knuckles and wished she was invisible.

8. In the biggest, brownest muddiest river in all Africa, two crocodiles lay with their heads just above the water. One of the crocodiles was enormous. The other was not so big.

9. Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents.

10. “There are dragons in the twin’s vegetable garden.” Meg Murray took her head out of the refrigerator where she had been foraging for an after-school snack, and looked at her six-year-old brother. “What?”

11. Are you there God? It’s me Margaret. We’re moving today. I’m so scared God. I’ve never lived anywhere but here. Suppose I hate my new school? Suppose everyone there hates me? Please help me God. Don’t let New Jersey be too horrible. Thank you.

Author's for Last Week's First Lines

by Susan Berger

1. Once upon a time, like now, and in a place like here, there existed a crooked house. The house at 33 Gooch Street was decrepit beyond description. If it could walk, it would limp. If it could talk, it would stutter. If it could smile, it would have rotting teeth. You get the picture.

The Outlandish Adventures of Libby Aimes by Kelly Easton

2. TUESDAY EVENING, AROUND EIGHT.

Tuesday written and illustrated by David Weisner

3. The stars are made of lemon juice and rain makes applesauce

Rain Makes Applesauce by Julien Scheer, Illustrated by Marvin Billeck

4. Marcus swished his black wooden cane over the kitchen island and knocked my breakfast off the counter.

Thirteen Black Cats by Sarah Laurenson (Unpublished as of now)

5. One morning not long ago, Trixie took a walk with her Daddy

Knuffle Bunny Too written and illustrated by Mo Willems

6. Simon Glass was easy to hate.

Shattering Glass by Gail Giles

7. If you asked the kids and the teachers at Lincoln Elementary School to make three lists – all the really bad kids, all the really smart kids and all the really good kids-Nick Allen would not be on any of them. Nick Allen deserved a list all of his own and everybody knew it.

Frindle by Andrew Clements

8. “Lot ninety seven,” the auctioneer announced. “A boy.”

Citizen of the Galaxy by Robert Heinlein

9. One hundred thirty-six days before the week before I left my family and Florida and the rest of my minor life to go to boarding school in Alabama, my mother insisted on throwing me a going-away party.

Looking for Alaska by John Green

10. It was late one winter night, long past my bedtime, when Pa and I went owling.

Owl Moon by Jane Yolen. Illustrated by John Schoenherr

Kids, Don't Try This at Home

by Lupe Fernandez

Our tale begins thus: I’m going to Mexico to research a memoir manuscript about my father. I bought a high definition video camera for my upcoming trip. The video camera works great. The editing software doesn’t. After uninstalling the video editing software, my pc no longer recognizes the disc drives. I consult the all-knowing internet and find instructions for editing a Registry file. The Registry file has nothing to do with registering gifts for weddings. After editing the Registry file to gain access to my disk drives, I discover my pc no longer recognizes my mouse and keyboard. No clicking. No typing. No writing.

Now I, Mr. Always on Time to My Critique Group Always Turns in Pages on Schedule, will not be able to prepare posts for scheduled publishing during the time I’m on vacation. I’m always early. I’m always on time. I have one work for this frustration: MALGURK! Obsessed with my inoperative computer, I can’t concentrate on writing on that low tech medium called paper.

What? Write long hand, with my sloppy cursive handwritten that rivals attorneys and doctors in its decipherability?

How I long for the clack of the keyboard, the stale scent of dust drawn by the monitor’s electrostatic charge, the smooth grip of the mouse, the chime sound of new e-mail.

I’m taking my pc to a computer shop this for repairs, and I promise on the life of my writing, I will never, I repeat, never edit the Registry file again, so long as I live.

I planned to post some thoughts about Art versus Commerce, but this diatribe about wetware (my brain) versus software (my computer) will have to suffice.

So kids, if you’ve learning anything from this technological tale of woe…

…don’t edit the Registry file. Don’t even think about it. Forget that I ever wrote about the Registry file. Strike the word from the mind. Clearing my mind….clearing my mind…clearing my mind….that !#!$#%& file.

How am I writing this post, you ask, if my computer is inoperable? I rely on the good graces of computer compatriots. In the future, I may use the public library computers, but I’ll be sure to wash my hands afterward. So many fingers. So many keys. Who knows where they’ve all been?

Monkey Business- How and Why I Write…

By Hilde Garcia

Sunday afternoon. I drive my beat up old car. The radio blares a rock station. There are no child car seats in my car, no children, no errands to run. I’m on my way to a writer’s gathering at a local coffee shop.

I will work on my novel. I will partake in writing exercises at the event. I will write this post. I will complete my sentences and I will not be interrupted. I am free for the day.

It feels strange. Something is wrong. Something is missing.

Monkeys.

Monkeys on my back and on my lap and the dog licking my toes. Once a week, I collect my thoughts and put them on paper.

But during the week, I always have one monkey on my neck and one on my lap moving the computer mouse. I write with my arms on either side of boy monkey and try to breath while girl monkey presses down on my throat. The dog faithfully lays at my toes, with an occasional lick.

My challenge is to write even through the constant interruptions, in between mountains of laundry, endless phone calls and play dates and little league practices, in between buying groceries and making dinner. I find my self at the computer at all hours, in five-minute intervals, or writing a great idea on a coupon, hoping I wont loose it on the way home.

I write for my monkeys, Sam and Victoria. I write for the legacy I wish to leave them and because I have so many words that I need to say. I write so that children see themselves in my writing and have heroes they can grow to love.

Being touched by a book like Charlotte’s Web or Anne of Green Gables has left me with a need to pay it forward. Books for me were my ticket to a new way of life. I write so I can offer that ticket to other children.

I write with my monkeys on my back, for those monkeys, for your monkeys, who cannot wait to turn a page and be transported to another world.

I write so that my children can remember me in years to come.

No matter which monkey hangs on my back at any given moment or what coupon I use as note pad, I write best when they hang on me, reminding me why I write.

The F Word - The Sequel

by Lupe Fernandez

I'm not the only who thinks about the F word.

From Narrative:

Letters to a Young Writer

by Robert Olen Butler

Overcoming Failure

Thinking about writing and worried about failing? Then read what Robert Olen Butler has to say to Lauren Birden, who is currently a graduate poetry writing student at Columbia University's School of the Arts.

 
Robert Olen Butler, author of eleven novels and five short story collections, including A Good Scent from a Strange Mountain, which won the 1993 Pulitzer Prize, contributed to Narrative, an online publisher of first-rank fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.

How I Created My Critique Group

by Hilde Garcia

In June of 2009, an email through SCBWI’s list server caught my attention: Members needed to join existing critique group. I had been searching for a group since February. After finishing the first draft of my first YA novel, I wasn’t sure what to do next. I emailed the person on the SCBWI list. She responded, “We already have twenty four replies. We are thinking about going with the first three, but how to choose?”

Then an inspiration struck. I wrote “Hey, why don’t we send out an invitation for a mixer. Bring two pages of a sample MS. We can go around the room and read them and then see how we all feel.”

Who knew that would have been so beneficial? About 12 people showed up and everyone’s stuff was good. A few other interested writers were out of town.

By the end of the night, we had two distinct critique groups. One group would meet on Tuesday evenings and the other group would meet on Saturdays. The three co-authors of this blog and myself joined the Tuesday group. Who sent the original email? Sue Berger.

Sue took the mixer one step further. When the other 10 people showed up at her place on a Saturday in August, she split those groups into two and divided the writers by genre. One group wrote YA and the other wrote Middle Grad and Picture Books.

The mixer created three critique groups and all are still meeting.

Since July, my Tuesday group has met every other week. We helped each other write amazing revisions. I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life now. (Did I mention they have saved my marriage?)

When my manuscript is published, I will write a long list of acknowledgements, but none will be more special than the three partners in my critique group who create my story with me.

Can’t find a group? Create one. It’s not hard. It’s like going on a date. You have to keep going until you find Mr. or Mrs. Right Group.

Since getting involved can be overwhelming, joining SCBWI Critique Connections Online is a great way to start!

Journey to a Childhood

by Lupe Fernandez

“Can I read that when you’re done?” I pleaded with my elen year older brother.

When I was eight, my favorite books were Jerome Beatty Jr’s series: Matthew Looney’s Voyage to the Earth (1961) followed by Matthew Looney's Invasion of the Earth (1965) and Matthew Looney in the Outback (1969).

Let me rephrase the previous sentence. My brother Junior would check the books out from the Hayward Public Library and read them. I would peer over his shoulder and marvel at Gahan Wilson’s illustrations of characters with onion-shaped heads.

“Stop bugging me,” Junior would respond.

Then Junior would chuckle to himself as he recited various names from the book: Professor Ploozer, Hector Hornblower, Robinson K. Russo, Mr. Bones, Wondervon Brown, Wiley Kalmuck, Dr. Leonard D. Davinci and Rear Admiral Lockhard Looney, known to Matthew as Uncle Lucky. Prefixes were added to certain words for a lunar theme, such as molacopter, moonorail and Moonsters.

I would wait until Junior put down the one of the books to pursue some other amusement. Then I would read about the adventures of Mathew Looney, a boy or moonster who lived on the Moon cave with his working-class family.

Mr. Looney expected his son to follow in his moonsteps and work in a powder factory. Instead, young Matthew served as a cabin boy aboard the Mooncraft Ploozer during the First Earth Expeditionary Force to planet Earth, infamous for it’s noxious oxygen atmosphere, deadly water oceans, and obstructing the view of the sun. In the second book, Matthew received a promotion to Spaceman First Class. By the third book, Matthew Looney comanded his own spacecraft and landed in Australia by accident. I marveled at Matthew’s adventures at exotic places like the North Pole, the Florida Everglades, Australia, like Crater Plato – Matthew’s home town - or Palus Somnii, the location of Earth Expeditionary Forces Headquarters.

According to the author’s bio, “These books are an attempt by Mr. Beatty to answer for himself the question of what the reaction on the Moon might be to our attempts to acquire it phsycially as well as romantically.”

Today, my copy of Matthew Looney's Invasion of the Earth, faded from use and age, smells musty from storage and appears small, almost the width of my extended hand, the spine cracked, the cover worn with gray smudges from peanut butter fingers. As I turn the pages, I journey back to those heady days of yesteryear before Apollo landed on the moon, when all things were possible to this child.

First Lines with Titles and Authors

by Sue Berger

These are the New York Times best sellers first lines from last week. I have added the title and the author.

.OTIS, written and illustrated by Loren Long.

“There was once a friendly little tractor.
i.

 ROBOT ZOT!, by Jon Scieszka. Illustrated by David Shannon

“Robot Zot. Wham Bot! Robot Zot. Bam Bot!”

Listen to The Wind by Greg Mortenson, Illustrator Susan Roth

“We are the children of Korphe. We live in a village in the mountains of Pakistan. Our families grow and gather the food we eat.”

Marley Goes to School by John Grogan. Illustrator Richard Crowley

“It was the first day of School and Cassie laid out her back-to-school supplies”

Dewey: There’s a Cat in the Library by Vicky Myron and Brett Witter. Illustrator Steve James

“Every night people left books in the return box in the small town of Spencer, Indiana. Funny books, big books, truck books, pig books – they left them all. But one night, on the coldest night of the year, someone left a strange surprise…A kitten.”

Strega Nona’s Harvest written and illustrated by Tomie de Paola.

“It was Spring and all the snow had melted.”
(Well the author does not need a good first line. Strega Nona is already famous.)

Goldilicious written and illustrated Victoria Kann.

“I was putting flowers on the mane of my pet unicorn.”

Skippyjon Jones Lost in Spice written and illustrated by Judy Schachner

"Skippyjon Jones was nuts about Mars…"

Family Huddle by Peyton, Eli, and Archie Manning. Illustrator Jim Madsen.

"Archie was in the front yard in New Orleans playing with his three sons: Cooper, Peyton, and Eli. It was Peyton’s turn at their favorite game, Amazing Catches"

THE HUNGER GAMES, by Suzanne Collins

“When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course she did. This is the day of the reaping.”

THE MAGICIAN'S ELEPHANT, by Kate DiCamillo and Yoko Tanaka.

“At the end of the Century before last, in the market square in the city of Bahese, there stood a boy with a hat on his head and a coin in his hand.”

TRICKS, by Ellen Hopkins.

“A poem by Eden Streit
Eyes Tell Stories

But do they know how
to craft fiction? Do
they know how to spin
lies?”

ODD AND THE FROST GIANTS, by Neil Gaiman.

“There was a boy called Odd and there was nothing strange or unusual about that, not in that time or place. Odd meant the tip of a blade and it was a lucky name.”

SHIVER, by Maggie Stiefvater

“I remember lying in the snow, a small red spot of warm going cold, surrounded by wolves. “

THE GRAVEYARD BOOK, by Neil Gaiman. Illustrated by Dave McKean.

“There was a hand in the darkness and it held a knife.”

SENT, by Margaret Peterson Haddix. (This is a sequel)

“Jonah was falling, tumbling over and over, down and down through nothingness and absence and void.”

GOING BOVINE, by Libba Bray.

“The best day of my life happen when I was five and almost died at Disney World. I am sixteen now so you can imagine that left me with quite a few days of major suckage. “

Here are some more first lines. (and, in some cases, first paragraphs.) You can guess the age range and the author.One of these is a ringer. It is from a book that has not been published yet.

1. “There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."

2. "If your teacher has to die, August isn't a bad time of year for it."

3. "I have been accused of being anal retentive, an over-achiever, and a compulsive perfectionist, like those are bad things."

4. "I come from a family with a lot of dead people"

5. Let me tell you about my angels

6. My mama had a dancing heart and she shared that heart with me.

7. At morning recess, Angel Camacho hid behind a great oak tree and longed for Georgina Cabrillo to notice him.

8. Everybody knows the story of the Three Little Pigs. Or at least they think they do.

9. “Mrs. Eva Marie Olinski always gave good answers. Whenever she was asked how she had selected her team for the Academic Bowl, she chose one of several good answers.”

10. I thought he’d never leave.

Great First Lines

Great First Lines.
by Sue Berger

I have seen the slush piles. I once visited Joseph Papp’s office. (Joseph Papp was the producer of the New York Public Theatre and the New York Shakespeare Festival.) There were at least 15 piles of scripts stack four feet high. One pile bore the label “These writers should be strung up by their thumbs and forced never to write again.”

I have never been in an editor’s office, but I have heard the slush piles are similar to the Papp Office.

There are thousands of writers submitting daily to a limited number of editors and agents. If you do not capture them in the first paragraph, you are slush.

I spend a lot of time looking at other writer’s first lines. The following lines and paragraphs from the New York Times Best Seller “Picture Book list” and “Chapter Book list.”

“We are the children of Korphe. We live in a village in the mountains of Pakistan. Our families grow and gather the food we eat.”

“It was the first day of School and Cassie laid out her back-to-school supplies”

“The best day of my life happen when I was five and almost died at Disney World. I am sixteen now so you can imagine that left me with quite a few days of major suckage. “

“Every night people left books in the return box in the small town of Spencer, Indiana. Funny books, big books, truck books, pig books – they left them all. But one night, on the coldest night of the year, someone left a strange surprise…A kitten.”

“It was Spring and all the snow had melted.”

“I remember lying in the snow, a small red spot of warm going cold, surrounded by wolves. “

“Skippyjon Jones was nuts about Mars…”

"Archie was in the front yard in New Orleans playing with his three sons: Cooper, Peyton, and Eli. It was Peyton’s turn at their favorite game, Amazing Catches."

“Robot Zot. Wham Bot! Robot Zot. Bam Bot!”

“When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course she did. This is the day of the reaping.”

“I was putting flowers on the mane of my pet unicorn.”

“At the end of the Century before last, in the market square in the city of Bahese, there stood a boy with a hat on his head and a coin in his hand.”

“A poem by Eden Streit
Eyes Tell Stories
But do they know how
to craft fiction? Do
they know how to spin

lies?”

“There was once a friendly little tractor. His name was Otis and every day Otis and his farmer worked together taking care of the farm they called home.”

"There was a boy called Odd and there was nothing strange or unusual about that, not in that time or place. Odd meant the tip of a blade and it was a lucky name.”

“There was a hand in the darkness and it held a knife.”

“Jonah was falling, tumbling over and over, down and down through nothingness and absence and void.”

Every one of these lines sold a book. Which of these makes you want to read them? Next week I will put up this list with the authors and titles. I will be putting up new first lines every week. I will start with my favorites. Feel free to send me yours.

The 5 Ways A Critique Group Benefits My Writing

I’m a wife, mom of five year old twins, President of their preschool, Sunday softball player and a writer of a young adult novel. Why and how does a critique group fit into my schedule?

The 5 Ways A Critique Group Benefits My Writing
by Hilde Garcia

1- SCHEDULE

I‘ve made a commitment to meet twice a month. I honor my word and submit pages for review. I meet my deadline. A deadline, like the deadline an editor gives for a revision, keeps me honest. The process of writing and revising is an on-going one.

 My critique group helps me meet my goals.

2- OPINIONS

These are good things! I have three or four people reading my MS with varied perspectives. Each mind focuses on a certain aspect. One member might notice all the grammar or structure, another might notice if I’m being true to my characters, and yet another person might ask the questions of why this or why that.

When I review the comments, I find a precise place to begin revising.

3- SUPPORT

Many times I feel that I can’t revise. When a first draft looms ominously, I would much rather do the dishes, eat a pint of ice cream or watch TV. However, I have a group of people who are as invested as I am in seeing a finished product, I write through those “dark” moments.

My group keeps me focused.

4- INFORMATION

Every person in my critique group has valuable information about the business of writing, about classes or exercises that will work. Their varied backgrounds in writing help me figure out submission guidelines. They can also suggest further reading, which is very helpful. These areas increase my writing knowledge.

The multitude of ideas strengthens my writing.

5- FRIENDSHIP

Many pursuits in life are solitary ones. Writing is usually considered one of them. A critique group offers me a chance to make friends, create a network of support, stay on schedule and learn to listen to opinions and criticisms in a safe environment. When I venture out into the actual world of submissions, rejections deadlines and editors, I will actually be able to approach them with ease, confidence and grace.

My critique group offers me a good head start.

Excited about Critique Groups? Want to find one? Check out… SCBWI Critique Connections. http://www.scbwisocal.org/ Click on For Writers and then select Critique Connections.

Next week, I will share with you how I formed my group and some helpful critique tips.

November is Officially Write a Novel Month

November is officially Write a Novel Month (Thirty days and thirty nights of literary abandon)
by Sue Berger

In 1999, Chris Baty and a group of friends got together and challenged each other to write a novel of 50,000 words of more in ONE MONTH. Why? Who knows? Crazy!

But seven people completed the challenge. They did it again the next year with more people… This is the tenth year of the marathon. It has become an international event with more than 100,000 participants.

I participated in 2004. When I heard about it, my thought was “No way!” The longest piece I had ever written was 16,000 words. Then I went on the Nanowrimo website. I bought Chris Baty’s book. “No Plot No Problem” and I decided to give it a shot.

It was an amazing experience. What I had given myself was a gift – a deadline.

I gave myself a daily stint of 2000 words. Often I would look at what I wrote and say, “This is awful!” Then I would say, “Never mind, it is word count. Keep writing.” I silenced my inner editor and on November 29th 2004, I had a 50,000 word first draft of a YA novel.

The odd thing about the experience was that the 2000 words per day on the novel seemed to fuel my other writing.

I made new friends, and had an amazing experience. I started Nanowrimo again in 2006. That time, I did not complete the book. But I still go back to it. I am glad I started it. No one (including me) gave me a bad time about not finishing.

Have any been published?

NaNoWriMo books have borne the logos of presses such as Warner Books, Ballantine, and Berkley Books. Published novels include, Sarah Gruen's Flying Changes, Rebecca Agiewich's Breakup Babe, Dave Wilson's The Mote in Andrea's Eye, and Gayle Brandeis's Self Storage. This is a link to the Nanowrimo FAQ on their published stats.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/faq#node-402661

Go ahead! Give yourself an adventure. http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Look around the site and see if it appeals to you.

Once you sign up for Nanowrimo, you will want to “customize” your experience.

1. Set your region. Mine is Los Angeles. I attended several “write outs” in my area. We met at coffee shops and libraries.

2. Set your forums: There an active online community for your genre. Check which areas you want hidden or visible. Far down the list are “Genre Lounges” There is a lounge for Young Adult and Youth. There are a lot of lounges you may prefer to keep visible.

There are other things to do on the site, i.e. set up your “Author Information, upload a picture. Watch the Nano video on October plotting. I once thought 50,000 words in a month was impossible. Last year more than 21,000 people completed the challenge. Have fun!