Jobs Just In Case

by

Lupe Fernandez

In these troubled economic times, I’m often told to have a “back up plan” or “something to fall back on” in case my stalwart efforts at writing do not bear fruit, vegetables or publication. After considerable pondering and wandering, I’ve come up with a list of possible occupations that could support me while I wax poetically, type madly and revise ravenously.



Lion Tamer

I already have the hat.

Dead Fish Plucker

I can swim.   

Occupational Hazard Counselor

I’m clumsy with band saws, bench lathes and acetylene torches.

Horizontal Refreshment Consultant

I like to watch.

Doomsayer Associate

The best laid plans of mice and microbes often go astray.

Ice Cream Creative

My first job was working at Baskin & Robbins. Some ice creams are too dry, too milky, too flat or not my favorite flavor.

 

Literary Gatekeeper

I’ll read the book for you and tell you if you will like it.



Photo by L. Fernandez



GeoTransit Surrogate

Why go on a vacation and suffer through strip-searches, cancelled flights, lost luggage or political upheavals? I’ll take the trip for you.

Critique Group Analyst

Review your munchies, chairs, pets, children, location, colleagues, and pre-meeting discussions to improve group moral and maximize your critique time. (Example: Curtail discussions about wedding dresses, grandchildren, great grandchildren, wedding dresses, pre-school, post- school or vacations to places I haven’t visited.)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Quality Control

Not all CCC’s are baked equal.

Digital LCD Progressive Scan Interlace Mode Supervisor

I watch TV.

Photo by L. Fernandez

Unofficial Wedding Photographer

Utilize guerilla journalistic approach. No posing. Requires access to intimate settings. Will bring my own lunch.  



Brain Not to Scale

Positron-Emission Ventral Tegmental Researcher

Occupation classified.

These are just a few of my favorite things.

So many choices,

so little time.