What Next?

Victoria Horse Riding

by Hilde Garcia

“Ok, now Mommy’s going to write and you two watch your movie.” I quickly shut the kids’ door and breathe. Finally, after 6 months of going crazy, I get a moment to myself. Of course, there’s always laundry and dishes to do, those are a constant I have found, but there were also practices, lessons to attend, lesson plans to draft, homework to review, chapters to read and yes, tons and tons of emails, to which I have yet to reply.

My life does not support a writing habit. I often find myself writing on a napkin so that an idea won’t escape my head. My forties and sleep deprivation have taken their toll. Truly, on most days, writing only happens in my mind.

A couple of days ago, I watched a video of my twins when they were two. I was mesmerized at what my life was like then. It was calm and quiet, well, as much as it could be with twins. I had time in the afternoon while they napped to organize my scrapbooks, return calls and emails, even attend an audition or two and make dinner. I wore make-up in those days, had date night with my husband, and didn’t look as frazzled as I do today. The old video consisted of my kids eating their snack and me trying to get them to say words like milk, cheese and yogurt for the camera. We didn’t have our dog then, so no extra work in cleaning up spilled garbage cans or chasing him down the street. No, that video was serene and beautiful, worthy of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Sam at Soccer Camp

Those were nice quiet years until the Presidency of my kids’ preschool became my life and the PTA chased me down, before I returned to work as a teacher and had to enroll in a credentialing program- I have more homework than anyone in my household. Today, my active first graders thrive on sports, after school activities, and excel in school. They have busy social calendars with parties and play dates. They even create books of their own. I envy them. I cook and clean, and they write. I’m counting the days when they’re old enough to do many of these chores themselves.

But despite this level of crazy, I finished my YA manuscript and sent it off to an editor back in November. Then I sat and thought, “I guess I’m done writing. What else should I do?”

Daughter/Daddy Day

Maybe I should check into our blog. Maybe I should dust off that old picture book that hasn’t been revised in years and see if now is the right time. Maybe I should write another book. Nah, I don’t have time because of course life takes hold of me. There’s always something that needs doing or someone that needs help or a cat in the tree I have to rescue or a boo boo to heal. And yet, here is some time that has just opened up in my life and I just sit. There’s always an excuse to keep me from writing it seems.