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Monday, August 20, 2012

Dispatch #2 - Reading on a River

Yuba River
by Lupe Fernandez

Yuba River - This is your foreign correspondent bringing you latest news from the wild north, where mountain lions roam and rushing rivers foam. Contrary to certain rumors begun by certain members of a certain blog that shall remain nameless, I was conducting a behavior study titled The Effects of Hydrodynamic Stimuli on Literary Comprehension, known in the civilian circles as reading on a river. But not just any river. Last August, right after the 2012 SCBWI Conference, I accompanied the Aguilera Family on their annual Yuba River camping trip. I proposed to test the effectiveness of reading a YA novel while surrounding by mountains, forests, river, and people having fun.

For my test material, after careful and assiduous consideration, I choose Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hey, Mr. Former Mexican-In-Residence and Part-Time Macho Man. Why are you reading about four rich teenage girls haunted by their secrets?"

Author Sara Shepard delivered a keynote address at the Summer Conference. She was humorous and insightful. So I bought the book and got her autograph. I asked her so many questions that her "minder" politely asked me to come back another time, as I was hogging her time. What important topic was I discussing with Ms. Shepard? Sex, of course.

Experimental Flotation Devices
Once at the Yuba River, I put the book into a water-proof Ziplock bag and paddled across the river, Ziplock baggie clamped between my teeth. A land ashore on a gravel bar, laid down a towel and commenced my behavior study.

Despite the splash and dash of the cold, roaring water, I accomplished my task of reading about Aria, Spencer, Emily and Hanna tormented by texts by the mysterious "-A." The author's voice had an eerie, but playful quality. According to Ms. Shepard, the TV series follows a different story line from the book, though the TV series works on the same premise.

Conducting Fluid Dynamic Test
While the test results of The Effects of Hydrodynamic Stimuli on Literary Comprehension were positive, I must conduct further studies to quantify my findings. I used to read in my apartment, but since my new posting at the Foreign Service Bureau, I have had to find other locations to read.

How about you, dear reader? Where do you crack open a book and turn the pages? Some dark, dank dreary local? Some bright, cheerful enclave? Where do you read? Maybe someone is watching.

As the mysterious "-A" texts the four Pretty Little Liars, "I'm still here, bitches. And I know everything."

This is your Foreign Correspondent signing off from the Northern Hinderlands.



10 comments:

  1. Today I will be reading on Amtrak between Portland, Or and Edmunds, Wa. then on a Ferry to Kingston, Wa and then on a bus to Port Angeles.

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  2. Had we known the foreign correspondent would be living so large in Northern California, we might have chosen a quieter locale such as Guam.

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  3. I've been known to take books into the hot springs at the Two Bunch spa, where I vacationed with my friends Anne and Rose, and the books did get a little damp. But how am I supposed to relax if I don't have a book????

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    Replies
    1. Exactly. If you get a massage at the spa, does the masseuse read over your shoulder?
      Sincerely,
      Oil of Orale

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  4. Hilarious. I love the image of you paddling across a river with a ziplocked book in your teeth. I bet it got scary, all alone on the river reading messages from "-A."

    I usually read on my couch, but sometimes on the bus or the cycling machine at the gym . . . Once, my leg fell asleep--well, that's happened lots of times, but once, my leg fell asleep and I stood up and fractured my foot.

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    Replies
    1. Rita,
      I felt like Tarzan swimming across crocodile infested waters with a knife between my teeth. Alas, the only danger I faced crossing the Yuba River was small sucker fish.

      I remember you arriving at the Harbinger book signing with a cast. Hmmm...I thought the accident was from martial arts session gone amok.

      Sincerely,
      Duck Pond

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  5. I began reading WONDER on the beach at Point Dume under a well-positioned umbrella, watching the waves crash and the rock climbers manuver up the face of the rock in 90 degree heat. Then, I went for a swim!

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    1. Dear Deborah,
      Did you take the book with you into the water? Sea water conducts metaphors better than fresh water.
      Sincerely,
      Semi-Used Water

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  6. It's about time someone considered the importance of setting in reading a novel. Setting in writing is so passé.

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    Replies
    1. Whenever I read, I make sure I'm setting down.
      Sincerely,
      Improper Tense

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