This Could Happen To You!

Cape Canaveral, Florida

by Lupe Fernandez

Yes, it's true. I'm famous. I owe it all to my writing. Allow me to tell this tale of fortitude, frostbite and Frosted Flakes.

So I was minding my business at Cape Canaveral, grooving at all the rockets and gantries and trying not to weep with joy, when I encountered none other than that famous television thespian, Mariska Hargitay.

Mariska Hargitay
aka Olivia Benson

Before I could say "hand cuff me please", we got to talking about Law & Order SUV (I was bummed that Chris Meloni was off the show, but I still watched the show.) and that conversation segued to children's literature.

Me: What? You read picture books to your kids?

Ms. Hargitay - I'm too respectful to call her by her first name - said her kids loved them.

Me: I write picture books.

I actually concentrate on young adult and middle grade, but I wasn't about to pass up on this chance to pitch.

CCCP Logo

Ms. Hargitay asked me what I was working on.

Me: I wrote this picture book about two cats. The older brother cat tries to convince his younger brother cat that they have taken a trip into outer space via a cardboard box.

Ms. Hargitay asked me where she could buy a copy.

CCCP Office

Me: It's not published. I'm still looking for a publisher.

Well, before I could say "read me my Miranda Rights", Ms. Hargitay gave me the number of the CCCP Company. This publisher caters to writers who love chocolate chip cookies.

I thanked Ms. Hargitay for the tip and took the next plane to Romita, Mexico and visit the CCCP offices. I met with the staff and showed them my work. I retold the tail of two cats blasting off from Earth, landing on Mars - it's one big litter box for cats - and splashing down in the Pacific Ocean, and we all know how much cats hate water.

Art Work for Two Cats In a Box

They were so excited, though my Spanish is rudimentary, my work was rushed to the printer in China. After a long sea voyage and several typhoons, the books arrived back at the CCCP Office. Two Cats in a Box debuted in Romita and the city celebrated it's success.

Needless to say, once Two Cats In a Box hit the world market, the rave reviews flooded my mail box.

If I may be modest, here's a few comments culled from the many responses to Two Cats In a Box from my legion of fans, followers and debit collectors:

Adoring Fans

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm calling the police."

"How did you get this address?"

"Am I on a reality show?"

"Creep."

"See that tall man over there? He's my bodyguard and he's going to ****** you over if you don't leave."

Tikal, Guatemala

I know, I know. You're thinking, "this could never happen to me." But keep the faith dear reader. Such things are possible. Just repeat after me: "I love chocolate chip cookies. I would never knowingly by my actions or in-actions bring harm to a chocolate chip cookie. I shall hold no other cookie before the chocolate chip."

Keep these simple words in mind and you too will succeed.

Well, that's all for now. I'm off to Guatemala to earn a well rested vacation amid the spectacular ruins of Tikal, and to elude a process server.