The All Sex Blog

by

Lupe Fernandez

The Tease

The story idea flashes a little scene, just enough to get the heart thumping. Bits of alluring dialog speak. A mood clouds the mind. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Will the story idea put out? Or slam the door on the way out? So many questions, not enough time to answer. Must act quickly. Other suitors on the way. Spend time and energy on this story, this possibility, this wisp of a narrative? 

Foreplay

Sit before the page. Sound out the story’s preferences. Have a little drink. Something to eat. Talk about the weather. The décor. Admire the scenery. Opps, did the story mean to reveal that much. Get a sense of how this will end? Oh yeah.

Position

Try something conservative at first. The first person position. Always a favorite. Don’t get bored. Try third person personal. Feeling dominant? Third person omniscient. Too removed. Try something kinky like second person present tense. Whoa…back it up cowboy. Practice safe serializing. Back up work.

Climax

Mellow. Yeah. End with something to think about. Too sleepy? How about abrupt? Boom. The end. Leave them wanting more. Unsatisfactory. That’s it? That’s all? What happened? It’s the reader. No, it’s the story. Happens to the best. Too many questions unanswered. Will the story call back in the morning? Luxuriate. Ready for the sequel or a trilogy…yeah a threesome…and the movie version.

Afterwards

Still think about the story the next day…hmmm… Linger on the vivid imagery, the sensory detail, favorite pages and characters. All those secrets. Okay, maybe one of them bored. Wait. Did the story really say that? Or is it wishful thinking? Perhaps another try. Forgotten already. Another draft? Maybe another story. Oh yeah, there’s this place where they hang out. It’s not an addiction. Just say no.

Fetishes

Swim to inspire. Sharpen No. 2 pencils. Clean house. Role-play author book signing. Sort book shelf based on Dewey Decimal System.

Porn

Go to the library. Browse a book store. Read without buying. Smell the pages. Write speech for imaginary Newberry award.

Abstinence

Watch TV.

So be safe.

Pint-Sized Reads for Pint-sized Philosophers

by Kris Kahrs

I started this week writing a post about Intentionality and Process which eventually made my brain hurt and was such a theoretical morass that even firing Jeff Zucker wouldn’t have saved it. So, I decided to post about a new line of kidlit that introduces basic Philosophy concepts to children.

The series of books is called, Deep Thoughts for Big Thinkers and is published by the Wee Think Big imprint of Bob’s Books, a division of Random Publishing which is a subsidiary of McDonalds.

JP’s Bad, Horrible, No-Good Day: In this riveting PB, 6 year old Jean-Paul Sartre knocks his mother’s vase off the table and is grounded for the week. JP weeps, mopes and throws tantrums until his strict, authoritarian grandfather announces, “You did it to yourself, boy!” At which point, JP retreats to his room and commences his life’s work, “Being and Nothingness”. Illustrations by H.P. Lovecraft.

Can You Believe Your Eyes?: Uh, oh, Rene Descartes is in trouble with the Schoolmaster again. He won’t use the red crayon because he can’t prove that it is really, really the color red. The Schoolmaster says that Rene must stay after school until he learns his colors. Will Rene stop doubting his eyes and rejecting the Crayola 64 color box?

Click, Clack, Choo!: Mr. Kant wants to take the train to Stuttgart to buy some strudel, but needs to know what time it will leave the station. The Stationmaster assures him that the train leaves Konigsberg at precisely 9 a.m. daily. Mr. Kant says, “No, no, no, it is only 9 a.m from your point of view. What time would it be from my perspective?” While the Stationmaster has a lie-down, Immanuel Kant attempts to work out the time for himself. Will he reach Stuttgart before the bakery closes?

First Line Answers

by Susan Berger

Here are the answers to the first lines I posted on December 9, 2010.

1. “NO WAY,” I hissed through the slatted dressing room door, “I am not coming out.”

Models Don’t Eat Chocolate Cookies by Erin Dionne. (First book)

2. Fox Street was a dead end. In Mo Wren’s opinion, this was only one of many wonderful distinguishing thinks about it.

What Happened on Fox Street by Tricia Springstubb (First book published 2010)

3. I was born into the sovereignty of nerds from which few have escaped and of which even fewer have had sex. For thirteen harrowing years nerdiness reigned supreme, leaving me unattractive and socially awkward with little more than a stellar report card to call a friend.

The Makedown by Gitty Daneshvari (first book)

4. Frannie Lawrence believed in secrets. The Things you didn’t talk about the way words said out loud could. Words made the bad things too real sometimes. Beter to keep silent with the hurt locked safely away.

Things I Want To Say by Cindi Myers

5. I HAVE A PERFECT MOUTH. That is, at least according to my dentist, AKA my dad, AKA Dr. Dad.

Cursed by Karol Ruth Silverstein BTW.

6. It all started with Aldwyn’s whiskers beginning to tingle- the way they always did when he was hungry. Food had been getting hard to come by these last few months.

The Familiars by Adam J Epstein and Andrew Jacobson (first book)

7. My earliest memory is fuzzy. Not because of time but because I’m looking out of a full body jumper. It’s sea foam green. My mom has cinched the head so tight that my vision is a fleecy porthole.

The Kid Table by Andrea Seigel

8. I pulled up on the front of my pink leotard and turned to the mirror to look at my large behind. No change there. I stretched the fabric tightly across my chest and frowned. Almost a sophomore and still no need of a bra. So much for cutting all those carbs. The calories would always hit us black girls in the wrong places.

Sell-Out by Ebony Joy Wilkins

9. “Hey, chubbo quit hogging the sidewalk!” Kenny Thompson yanked the front of his bike off the ground, circled around eight-year-old Macy Carver, and stuck out his tongue.

Tiny Angel by Nancy Carty Lepri (first book)

10. The sign in front of St Barnaby’s Home for the Hopeless, Abandoned, Forgotten and Lost read CRUSHINNG THE SPIRIT OF CHLDHOOD SINCE 1898.

Jack Blank and the Imagine Nation by Matt Myklusch

(First book. This is going to be a trilogy. The second book will be out in August, 2011)

These ten new lines are all from picture books. Seven are from first books. One is from a book that has now yet been published.

1. Nestled in the soft earth beside the path you see a yellow spider.

2. Everything was just dandy till that Emily Post book showed up.

3. The jungle was quiet.
Suraj, the tiger cub wondered why.
Then Rassi arrived and gave him the news.

4. My friend Lincoln says you have two dads. That’s right poppa and daddy.

5. Everyone told Lily Hippo she was too loud.

6. Beep Beep. Sheep in a jeep on a hill that’s steep.

7. Mama love to sing. Her singing was always a happy part of everyday life. But everything changed the day after my seventh birthday.

8. Pitter, patter
Plam, plam
On my window pane

9. I took the moon for a walk last night.

10. Once upon a time Chicken Licken was standing a round when a piece of something fell on her head.

I really wanted to post the first line from When the Wind Blew which is Margaret Wise Brown’s first book. Margret wrote Good Night Moon and I thought it would be fun to see the first line from the first book she sold. But I couldn’t find it. If anyone has a copy, I would love to know the first line.

Time for another first lines post

by Susan Berger

These lines are from middle grade and YA. Seven of them are first books. One has not yet been published, but I am sure it is going to be a first book. If you know any of these books, please leave a comment. If you have a favorite first line, please send it to me. (Even if it is from your book that had not yet be accepted for publication.)

My next post will be the answers, plus ten more lines.

1. "NO WAY,” I hissed through the slatted dressing room door, “I am not coming out.”

2. Fox Street was a dead end. In Mo Wren’s opinion, this was only one of many wonderful distinguishing thinks about it.

3. I was born into the sovereignty of nerds from which few have escaped and of which even fewer have had sex. For thirteen harrowing years nerdiness reigned supreme, leaving me unattractive and socially awkward with little more than a stellar report card to call a friend.

4. Frannie Lawrence believed in secrets. The Things you didn’t talk about the way words said out loud could. Words made the bad things too real sometimes. Better to keep silent with the hurt locked safely away.

5. I HAVE A PERFECT MOUTH. That is, at least according to my dentist, AKA my dad, AKA Dr. Dad.

6. It all started with Aldwyn’s whiskers beginning to tingle- the way they always did when he was hungry. Food had been getting hard to come by these last few months.

7. My earliest memory is fuzzy. Not because of time but because I’m looking out of a full body jumper. It’s sea foam green. My mom has cinched the head so tight that my vision is a fleecy porthole.

8. I pulled up on the front of my pink leotard and turned to the mirror to look at my large behind. No change there. I stretched the fabric tightly across my chest and frowned. Almost a sophomore and still no need of a bra. So much for cutting all those carbs. The calories would always hit us black girls in the wrong places.

9. “Hey, chubbo quit hogging the sidewalk!” Kenny Thompson yanked the front of his bike off the ground, circled around eight-year-old Macy Carver, and stuck out his tongue.

10. The sign in front of St Barnaby’s Home for the Hopeless, Abandoned, Forgotten and Lost read CRUSHINNG THE SPIRIT OF CHLDHOOD SINCE 1898.

Jobs Just In Case

by

Lupe Fernandez

In these troubled economic times, I’m often told to have a “back up plan” or “something to fall back on” in case my stalwart efforts at writing do not bear fruit, vegetables or publication. After considerable pondering and wandering, I’ve come up with a list of possible occupations that could support me while I wax poetically, type madly and revise ravenously.



Lion Tamer

I already have the hat.

Dead Fish Plucker

I can swim.   

Occupational Hazard Counselor

I’m clumsy with band saws, bench lathes and acetylene torches.

Horizontal Refreshment Consultant

I like to watch.

Doomsayer Associate

The best laid plans of mice and microbes often go astray.

Ice Cream Creative

My first job was working at Baskin & Robbins. Some ice creams are too dry, too milky, too flat or not my favorite flavor.

 

Literary Gatekeeper

I’ll read the book for you and tell you if you will like it.



Photo by L. Fernandez



GeoTransit Surrogate

Why go on a vacation and suffer through strip-searches, cancelled flights, lost luggage or political upheavals? I’ll take the trip for you.

Critique Group Analyst

Review your munchies, chairs, pets, children, location, colleagues, and pre-meeting discussions to improve group moral and maximize your critique time. (Example: Curtail discussions about wedding dresses, grandchildren, great grandchildren, wedding dresses, pre-school, post- school or vacations to places I haven’t visited.)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Quality Control

Not all CCC’s are baked equal.

Digital LCD Progressive Scan Interlace Mode Supervisor

I watch TV.

Photo by L. Fernandez

Unofficial Wedding Photographer

Utilize guerilla journalistic approach. No posing. Requires access to intimate settings. Will bring my own lunch.  



Brain Not to Scale

Positron-Emission Ventral Tegmental Researcher

Occupation classified.

These are just a few of my favorite things.

So many choices,

so little time.