How to Deal with Rejection - The Sequel

Mexican-In-Residence

It has come to the attention of The Management that in these uncertain economic times, coping with manuscript rejection notices has become fraught with peril. We submit as cautionary tales certain correspondence we have received here at the Pen And Ink Blogspot virtual office. Name and places have been changed to protect our reputation.

Dear Pen And Ink,

I got a rejection letter from XXXXX at XXXXXXXX and I can’t stop eating soap. What should I do? Not just any soap. I shop at a soap boutique and a bar costs $20.00 per ounce. My previous rejection letter from XXXXX at XXXXXXX and XXXXXX caused me to lick stamps. I need help.

Signed,

Dial Dilettante

Dear Dilettante, 
Ease off on the boutique soap by wrapping cheap generic soap bars in the expensive boutique wrappings. This will trick your despairing mind into thinking you’re still consuming expensive soap without the actual cost. We also recommend a good anti-acid.
Sincerely,
The Management

Dear Pen And Ink,

XXXXXX from XXXXXXX sent me a polite response saying that my manuscript was not right for them and that the Restraining Order is effective as of today. I think this is unfair. The rejection notice, I mean, not the Restraining Order. I think I over did the emailing every day to XXXXXX asking, “Did you read it yet?” It’s not like I drove by XXXXX’s condo and camped out in the car with a Zeiss Infrared Telescopic 444H Camera aimed at their window. How can I get back into XXXXXX’s good graces?
Sincerely,
M. Surveillance

Dear Surveillance,Wow! A Zeiss Infrared. Does that come with a covert illumination at 950nm wavelength? Uh…naturally, we don’t condone this sort of behavior – unless it’s our Mexican-In-Residence; he’s a little creepy when it comes to observational behavior. Oh sure, he says he’s doing research but we think…well – and we strongly advise you observe the terms of the Restraining Order.
Sincerely,
The Management

Dear Pen And Ink,
Which one of you is Ink?
Sincerely,
Pencil Looking for Mature Eraser

Dear Pencil,
Did you have a question?
Sincerely,
The Management

Dear Pen and Ink,
Life has no meaning. I’m giving up the letter M and the sound chkka poh I write and I write and I write and what does it get me. The cat needs pajamas. The alligator needs new shoes. The living room pendulum needs varnishing. I don’t have enough time in the day or night to get all these things done. I’ve decided to seek a meditative retreat and regroup my thoughts and get in touch with my inner muse. Lately, my muse has been out late, partying with the wrong crowd and coming home reeking of Christian Dior. I think it’s time to end this relationship, but I still want to be friends.
Sincerely,
Unrequited Unicycle

Dear Unrequited,
Now is not the time to rush into life changing decisions. One of our group – we won’t mention any names but you know who we’re talking about – gave up the letter O after a most severe query letter critique. He … or she… had to perform a great many Search and Replace functions on his…or her… manuscript accepting back the letter O. As for your dysfunction muse, we suggest a 12 Step Program. There’s no shame in seeking help. A certain member of our group – again we won’t mention any names but you know who we’re talking about – admits he…or she…is powerless over his/her muse.
Sincerely,
The Management

As you can see dear reader, many are challenged in different ways with literary rejection. We would encourage you keep the faith and keep writing.

Of course, if you don’t find this posting helpful, then well…that’s okay…we’re not…sniffle, sniffle…offended or anything. We only wrote it for you with no personal gain, but it would be nice if you posted a comment sometime. If you really mean it, not like you feel sorry for us or anything. We won’t feel rejected. No we won’t. We promise not to look at our traffic software and track you down, those who read but don’t comment. NO. We won’t do that. Nope. Not us.

Sincerely,

The Management