I Am Thankful For My Writing Tools

by Sue Berger


Photo by L. Fernandez

November is thankful month so I wish to take this opportunity to express my gratitude for modern day writing.

Aeschylus the Greek playwright, who was (supposedly) killed by a falling turtle when an eagle mistook his bald head for a rock, wrote the Oresteia on paper made from reeds.

I bless Staples and all trees everywhere.

The medieval monks copied books by hand. It could take up to a year to make a copy of a book. They were works of art with colors that have never been repeated.

I am grateful for my printer and its ten pages a minute.

Shakespeare wrote with a quill pen using an ink pot and a blotter. (I hope he wasn’t left handed. It’s much harder if you‘re left handed.)

I am thankful for my computer.

If he wanted to change a line he had to scratch through it.

I bless copy and paste.

What if James Joyce wanted to rename a character in Ulysses? It would have taken forever.

I bless find and replace.

TE Lawrence left his manuscript of Seven Pillars of Wisdom in the refreshment room at reading station.

I count my blessings every time I save and then email myself a copy of a story.

Countless authors trudge countless miles to libraries and archives to research their project.

I love libraries, but I am overwhelming thankful for the internet and its endless possibilities.

Writing is a lonely profession. You can wait a long time to find an audience for your work.

I am blessed by my critique group.

It takes a long time to hone your craft.

I am grateful to SCBWI for its events and the opportunities to meet professional in the field.

L. Fernandez is grateful for the following Writing Tools:

• The Letter M
• Water
• The TV Remote
• More Women Than Men in SCBWI
• The Library Card
• Shake N’ Bake
• The Silicon Chip
• The Electrostatic Charge
• Deinked Pulp
• The Gravitational Constant
• Ms. Berger's Critiques and Comfy Chairs
• Ms. Garcia’s Critiques and Chocolate Chip Cookies
• Ms. Kahrs’ Critiques and Groovy House

Hilde Garcia says:

I'm grateful for Kris, Lupe and Sue. Also my amazing husband Dave and my children Sam and Victoria who I love more than anything in the world. I'm also grateful to SCBWI for being a great, super fabulous organization. You guys rock! And my computer and Staples which has really great deals and rebates, you should check it out.

Ms. Kahrs is grateful for the following writing tools:

• The Gestalt I fondly call Berger, Fernandez and Garcia
• Big, fat, cranky cats that need to put one paw on the keyboard
• Writing oneself out of the Labyrinth
• Cocktails at five
• Talk Like a Pirate Day

How about you, dear reader?
What writing tools fill you with gratitude?

The Top Ten Ingredients for a Successful Contemporary Young Adult Novel*

by Lupe Fernandez

1) Female protagonist must have at least three emotional dysfunctions such as drug addiction, food disorder and a compulsion to pull fire alarms.

2) Male protagonist must be a rebel/genius/loner/geek with a heart of gold with three of the following characteristics: six-pack abs, musical talent, latent vampirism or magic powers.

3) Contemporary music such as Rap, Hip-Hop, Yodeling or Zydeco must be celebrated.

4) Explicit sex must be portrayed in an unhealthy manner. Healthy sexual relations will cause inhibited parents, uptight talk show hosts and the FDA to ban the book.

5) Popular eras for period pieces: the Sixties, the Thirties, the 1880’s and the Sixties.

6) Fantasy novels require a dragon, a castle, arcane jargon and a leather pouch carried by a hunchback.

7) Incorporate latest technology such cell phones, iPods, iPhones, iShoes, laptops, PDAs, DUIs, MRIs, GPS, IRS, latent thermal body scanners – you’ve hit the cutting edge if the CIA visits you.

8) No story should be without the follow emotions: unrequited love, unrequited lust, unrequited shopping, unrequited air-guitar, jealousy, envy and a hunger for sushi.

9) Satisfy the “minority” quotient by including three of the following:

a) Mexicans

b) Anasazians

c) Hokokams

d) Chichimecas

e) Unpublished writers who are chick magnets

…and the Tenth Ingredient for a Successful Young Adult Novel*

10) Under no conditions should your story portray a “nuclear family.” Always, always the young adult lives with a single parent, un-related guardian, grandmother, grandfather, parking lot attendant, three green trolls or seven old dwarfs.

Include these ingredients in your Young Adult Novel, Bake at 200 degrees Absolute Kelvin, let sit for two years, then serve. Makes about one serving per book. Zero Calories. Zero Sodium. Marginal Profit.

*As determined by The Society of Irreproducible Results