Answers To First Lines

by
Susan Berger
These are the answers to the first lines from the SCBWI Writer’s Day held on Saturday April 10, 2010.

1. The morning after the noted child prodigy Colin Singleton graduated from high school and got dumped for the nineteenth time by a girl named Katherine, he took a bath.

An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

2. I sold my cell phone to the devil. In my defense it had been a really crappy day

Georgeous by Rachel Vail

(This was an excellent read.)

3. “Where oh where…”wondered Ophie Peeler, looking around her big almost empty bedroom, “did mom

Ophie Out of Oz by Kathleen O’Dell

(I bought this one at the conference because of the title and the first line. It is one of my new favorite books)

4. JUNE 21, 1895 Bombay, India. “Please tell me that’s not going to be part of my birthday dinner this evening.” I am staring into the hissing face of a cobra. A surprisingly pink tongue slithers in and out of a cruel mouth while an Indian man whose eyes are the blue of blindness inclines his head toward my mother and explains in Hindi that cobras make very good eating.

A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray

(This was Libba’s first book. I already blogged the the first line from Going Bovine. She is a wonderful speaker as well as a wonderful writer.)

5. Miguelito wiggled and jiggled his loose tooth until one night it fell out. “Yay! Mi dente my tooth,” he said and put it under his pillow. Soon Miguelito fell asleep.

The Tooth Fairy Meets El Raton Perez by Rene Colato Lainez Illustrated by Tom Lintern

6. In a House on a hill there’s a wild little child not ready to close her eyes. She burrows in blankets and talks to her toys and listens to lullabies.

Hillside Lullaby by Hope Vestergaard Illustrated by Margie Moore

7. Many places make a home – a heap of twigs, a honeycomb. A castle with a tower or two, an aerie with a birds-eye view.

Castles Caves and Honeycombs by Linda Ashman Illustrated by Lauren Stringer

8. See the piggy, see the puddle, see the piggy in the middle of the muddy little puddle. See her dwaddle, see Her diddle, in the muddy muddy middle. See her waddle, plump and little, in the very merry middle. The Piggy in the Puddle by Charlotte Pomerantz Illustrated by James Marshall

9. In a wee little house in a wee little hole, lived a wee little mouse and a wee little mole.

One Dark Night by Lisa Wheeler Illustrated by Ivan Bated.

(This was Lisa Wheeler’s first book. She has written many wonderful books. I wanted to blog the first line of the first one.)

10. In a tree, in a nest, on a gusty spring morn, a speckled egg cracked, and aa small bird was born.

What’s the Magic Word by Kelly DiPucchio illustrated by Marsha Winborn

(This was Kelly’s first book)

Here are Ten more first lines to titillate your palate (Guess what I’ve been reading lately).

1. Every smiley moon without fail Claire dreamed of her childhood.

2. “Go away!” Brianna yelled. “No! I wanna play too!” Julianne cried.

3. It’s not so bad being dead. People generally tend to ignore you.

4. Do you know what it says on a tube of toothpaste? In small print? You have to read the small print because they never tell you anything scary in large print. Large print is what they want you to see.

5. In the middle of nowhere along a quiet stretch of road the diner dreamt of the hungry dead.

6. The principal crooked his finger at me. “Come to my office,” he said. I almost choked. Please let it be something horrendous I’ve done, I prayed Just don’t let it be…But deep inside I already knew. It was my mom. She’d done it again.

7. When we were little, My best friend Jake and I saw eye to eye. Then I grew and he didn’t.

8. My so-called parents hate my boyfriend Shrimp.

9. When Bee woke up, there was a girl standing in her room. “you are me,” the girl said. Then she was gone.

10. Olivia Kidney’s new home was an apartment building made of maroon and yellow bricks on New York City’s Upper West Side. It was twenty stories high and it contained some of the most awful people you’d ever want to meet.

NOTES ON WRITER'S DAY or SCBWI Literary Pep Rally

by Lupe Fernandez

Clairbourn School looks like a country club. Manicured lawns freshly mowed by Mexican landscapers. Neat, trim peaked roof houses. Children’s toys in their places and no graffiti. I notice the white pillars and porticos.

I sit in the “Den of the Cougars” otherwise known as the gym. Yellow and blue flags hang from the walls celebrating league champions for Single Tennis, Boys Soccer, Girls Volleyball and other sports. I’m here for the competitive sport of writing, publishing and selling.

Overhear someone say, “This place looks like a southern plantation.”

The room fills with a babble of voices. Hundreds of words mingle; merge to form greetings, life experiences, writing projects. A laugh. The quest for the proper chair to sit in. Who’s here? Who’s not? Didn’t we meet at….? Aren’t you a friend of …?

News flash: No more coffee!

The day begins with “bathroom announcements.” Toilet paper shortage in nearby bathrooms, more toilet paper in the bathrooms further away.

Rachel Abrams, assistant editor at HarperCollins Children’s Books topic is “This Book Needs to Be Read! Honing Your Craft and Writing Your Best.” She reads from three favorite books as examples of how to start a story.

Abundance of Catherine by John Green.
Gorgeous by Rachel Vail
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. Another favorite book is Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech.

Ms. Abrams answers a question about voice in historical fiction: Adolescent issues are the same regardless of the time period. Another question inquires about bodily functions? “Okay as long as they’re plot driven,” she answers. She outlines pitfalls in writing dialogue:

There’s information dumps.
Chatty or on the nose gabbing.
Adverbial speech tags – Adverbs in dialog tags are editors’ pet peeve.

Ms. Abrams focuses on characters, plot is secondary. Middle Grade/Tween – ages 8 to 12. Teen 12 and up. Represents Middle Grade and YA, preferring paranormal and teen romances.

When she cites other favorite authors, the name sound like a litany of saints, accompanied by ooohs and aaahs, murmurs of acknowledgement. “That’s a good book.” “I read that one.” Or furious scribbling on notepads or typing on laptops.

Discussing styles, Ms. Abrams cites Vladimir Nabokov, "In reading, one should notice and fondle the details.” She recommends finding an agent. Responding to a question about personal editorial “pet peeves,” she says, “I won’t have a job if you guys didn’t need editors.”

Break 10 a.m.

Now begins the Information Age ritual of checking cell phones, blackberries, blueberries, crackberries and strawberries for messages, emails, gmails, tweets, sweets, sheets, cleats and a better seat.
After speaking, Ms. Abrams waits at the head of a receiving line. Writers are eager for her blessing, her business card, a comment, an encouragement, a smile for that great story.

10:34 a.m. Call to Order and Take Your Seats.

Lisa Wheeler, picture book author, topic is Rhyme with Reason. She candidly admits to receiving 2,500 rejections in four years. Friends call her “the Meter Maid.”
“Just because kids like rhyme,” she says, “is not a good reason to write in rhyme.”
Ms. Wheeler encourages picture books writers to “defend their rhyme.” As a child, she ran into the living room when TV commercials played so she could listen to the jingle. After the commercial ended, Wheeler left the room. The word seven is a bad rhyming word. Bad rhyme doesn’t sell. “Rhyme is poetry – not just rhyming end lines.”

Break. 11:30 a.m. Announcements. Raffle. My raffle ticket number is 429045. Come on lucky 45!Curses! I don’t win.  Lunch 12 p.m. Sun appears. Morning overcast broken. San Gabriel Mountains visible to the north.

Overhear someone say, “I’m a light airy person.”

After a nap on the gym bleachers, I open my eyes amid the crowd, noisy gym.

Jill Corcoran, an agent with the Herman Agency, speaks on “Queries & Synopsis: How to Get Agents & Editors Salivating to Read Your Manuscript.”



Among the sentences not to include in a query letter:

“I am a new writer.”
“This is the first book in my 9 book series.”
“Hope you and everyone around you are doing well.”

Ms. Corcoran wants to know why the author wants her as an agent. “You gotta know what sells you.”
She emphasizes vigilance on your internet presence. Don’t post anything that could harm your career. I guess I’d better take down my Lion Tamer Website.
Kathleen O’Dell, Middle Grade author, speaks on “Crafting Books for Restless Middle Grade Readers.” “Don’t be afraid to quit,” Ms. O’Dell says, “You’ll come back if it calls you.” The editing process “is not for babies. The author must earn the trust of middle grade readers. “Bordom is death for kids.”

Overhear someone say, “You know her, she’s on Facebook.”

In regards to a lengthy manuscript, she once used the “Harry Potter Defense.” An editor said her manuscript was too long. Kids wouldn’t read it. Ms. O’Dell responded, “What about Harry Potter?” Needless to say, the “Harry Potter Defense” is spoken no more. Talking about the writing process, she says, “It’s a temptation for writers to be lazy.” There’s bitterness at being rejected and fear at revision when receiving an envelope from an editor.

The last speaker is Young Adult author Libba Bray. Ms. Bray tells a story about receiving knowing glances and flirtations from firemen when she told them that she wrote “young adult fiction.” Ms. Bray realizes the fireman thought she wrote Adult as in X-rated. “Writing porn is more socially acceptable than writing for teens.”







Ms. Bray lists her advice on writing.

1. No one ever died from a day of bad writing, except writing a safety manual.
2. Name you inner critique.
3. If it doesn’t scare you to at least write your story, you haven’t raised the stakes.
4. Read. Read across genres.
5. Don’t write Cherrios – not exciting, just filler, unsatisfying, soggy, forgettable.
6. Remember. Write for your inner teen. Remember the emotional language of 10, 14, 16.
7. Find your own voice and honor it. “You know who does the best Raymond Carver? Raymond Carver.”
8. Change up your game - as long as it serves your story. Don’t get complacent.
9. As a Public Service Announcement, Ms. Bray urges us, “Just say no to the hot pterodactyl boyfriend.” Avoid current trends.
10. Earn your moments. Truth should make us uncomfortable. Don’t flinch. Don’t give characters qualities they don’t have.

 Her talk was inspirational.

A green cart sits in the back of the gym, stacked with musty dark brown Christian Science Hymnal books. Perhaps we should start this day with a song. “O’ Publisher Near to Thee,” or “Holy Trinity”? (The Trinity is Agent/Editor/Publisher – until a media paradigm shift.)
I recline on the hard worn bleachers, ready to cheer. “Go Writers Go! Query Back! Query Back! Way, way back! Goooo Unpublished Writers! Yeah!”

A pep rally, indeed.

“Stories survive,” Ms. Bray says.

Time to go home and write.