Monday, April 1, 2013

This Could Happen To You!

Cape Canaveral, Florida
by Lupe Fernandez

Yes, it's true. I'm famous. I owe it all to my writing. Allow me to tell this tale of fortitude, frostbite and Frosted Flakes.

So I was minding my business at Cape Canaveral, grooving at all the rockets and gantries and trying not to weep with joy, when I encountered none other than that famous television thespian, Mariska Hargitay.

Mariska Hargitay
aka Olivia Benson
Before I could say "hand cuff me please", we got to talking about Law & Order SUV (I was bummed that Chris Meloni was off the show, but I still watched the show.) and that conversation segued to children's literature.

Me: What? You read picture books to your kids?

Ms. Hargitay - I'm too respectful to call her by her first name - said her kids loved them.

Me: I write picture books.

I actually concentrate on young adult and middle grade, but I wasn't about to pass up on this chance to pitch.

CCCP Logo
Ms. Hargitay asked me what I was working on.

Me: I wrote this picture book about two cats. The older brother cat tries to convince his younger brother cat that they have taken a trip into outer space via a cardboard box.

Ms. Hargitay asked me where she could buy a copy.

CCCP Office
Me: It's not published. I'm still looking for a publisher.

Well, before I could say "read me my Miranda Rights", Ms. Hargitay gave me the number of the CCCP Company. This publisher caters to writers who love chocolate chip cookies.

I thanked Ms. Hargitay for the tip and took the next plane to Romita, Mexico and visit the CCCP offices. I met with the staff and showed them my work. I retold the tail of two cats blasting off from Earth, landing on Mars - it's one big litter box for cats - and splashing down in the Pacific Ocean, and we all know how much cats hate water.

Art Work for Two Cats In a Box
They were so excited, though my Spanish is rudimentary, my work was rushed to the printer in China. After a long sea voyage and several typhoons, the books arrived back at the CCCP Office. Two Cats in a Box debuted in Romita and the city celebrated it's success.

Needless to say, once Two Cats In a Box hit the world market, the rave reviews flooded my mail box.

If I may be modest, here's a few comments culled from the many responses to Two Cats In a Box from my legion of fans, followers and debit collectors:

Adoring Fans
"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm calling the police."

"How did you get this address?"

"Am I on a reality show?"

"Creep."

"See that tall man over there? He's my bodyguard and he's going to ****** you over if you don't leave."

Tikal, Guatemala
I know, I know. You're thinking, "this could never happen to me." But keep the faith dear reader. Such things are possible. Just repeat after me: "I love chocolate chip cookies. I would never knowingly by my actions or in-actions bring harm to a chocolate chip cookie. I shall hold no other cookie before the chocolate chip."

Keep these simple words in mind and you too will succeed.

Well, that's all for now. I'm off to Guatemala to earn a well rested vacation amid the spectacular ruins of Tikal, and to elude a process server.






16 comments:

  1. I love your posts, Lupe! My Monday laughter. Thanks.

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  2. You never fail to make me smile. Onward with chocolate chip cookies! Judy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chocolate chip cookies always make me smile.
      Sincerely,
      Toll House

      Delete
  3. Cats, stories of outer space, celebs, chocolate chip cookies jetting off to foreign countries, and fame! keep me posted.

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  4. Loved it!! My giggle for the day. Also pinned it to my "Writing Help" board on Pinterest.

    Books fro Kids _ Manuscript Critiques
    http://www.margotfinke.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for your giggle.
      Sincerely,
      Wayward Windward

      Delete
  5. Hey Lupe, did I somehow miss the tell tale, April Fool! Happy day to you, too.

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    Replies
    1. I missed the tall and the short tail.
      Sincerely,
      May Knave

      Delete
  6. I'll believe anything for a chocolate chip cookie...

    Lots of fun, and thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll believe anything to get published.
      Sincerely,
      Copyright Kid

      Delete
  7. Just reading it today 4/13. My first thought, are you kidding me you got a deal off of that lined paper sketch! I don't believe it. I searched the internet for the book, found nothing and was prepared to write something to Pen and Ink for carrying such fraud. I should have read the comments first. You got me!

    Cheers,
    Cheryl

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  8. Dear Ms Rose,
    We apologize for any confusion begat from this post. We cautioned our foreign correspondent that someone might take his post seriously. He laughed. Rest assured he will be send to bed without milk and cookies.
    Sincerely,
    The Management

    ReplyDelete

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