Lupe Fernandez
Sure you've seen iPhone apps here and iPhone apps there, but you've never seen iPhone apps like these. Revolutionary. Groundbreaking. Surreal. It's everything a writer will ever need in an electronic device whose specific absorption rate is enough to roast a frozen 50lb turkey.
Sure you've seen iPhone apps here and iPhone apps there, but you've never seen iPhone apps like these. Revolutionary. Groundbreaking. Surreal. It's everything a writer will ever need in an electronic device whose specific absorption rate is enough to roast a frozen 50lb turkey.
Presenting:
The iWriter
Take No Prisoners!Monitors keyboard use and transmits motivational message after 5 Second Pause. For Writers needing a prompt to keep writing. Default message: “STOP GOOFING AROUND! KEEP WRITING!”
Leave Me Alone!Jams all electronic message devices. Prevents needless interruptions.
Be Seeing You
Hacks into WiFi devices. Spys on colleagues to see if they are writing.
iBook Previews manuscript pages as perfection.Random generator produces back jacket promotional blubs.
The SuperNovaSelf-Destruct for this device; Ten second timer.
Cruise Control
Uses complex algorithms to write manuscript without writer input.
CocoaMania
Transmits radio waves at 1000MHz to frontal lobe to induce relaxation. Prevents writer from destroying manuscript.
Gimme The Money!
Calculates amount of money spend on writing manuscript. Displays countdown of dwindling bank account.
BUY NOW! NOW! NOW!
Batteries and SAR shield not included.
Not recommended for use near pregnant women, turtleneck sweaters, pace makers, Tequila bottles, stock market, post cards, granny apples, apple pie, apple cheeks and the hat check girl at Hip & Trendy's.
Running not walking to the Apple store near me! I especially want the Cruise Control app.
ReplyDeleteDear Customer,
ReplyDeleteThe algorithms combine String Theory, Fourier Analysis and California Lottery Numbers to generate a binary code for Arabic, then translated into Latin and outputed as English.
Sincerely,
Otto Pilote
Finally! A reason to buy the iPhone! Thank you
ReplyDeleteSusan,
ReplyDeleteRemember to keep device away from post cards.
Lupe F.
I want one!
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Collins,
ReplyDeleteWait for the fire sale.
Sincerely,
Matches
I am the hat check girl!
ReplyDeleteJust have to say, "Wow, Wow, Wow!" Not quite the same as dashing off notes on the back of your Safeway sales receipt--when a great idea or scene happens along.
ReplyDeletePat Harrington, Coming . . .
"Winter's Soul" - chilling tale in an English manor house from Museitup Publishing
Dear Patricia,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your patronage. Whenever I get a great idea, I write it on the back of a postage stamp.
Sincerely,
Mr. Postal