When the day comes that I sit behind a table for an autograph session, I’d like to be prepared. Perhaps, I will not be as popular as the author next to me. Rather than look forlorn and dejected, I’ve come up with the optimal design that I call:
1. Mariska Hargitay Look-a-Like
The AACD
Author Autograph Chair Deluxe #37020
 |
| The AACD |
I’ll need all the sex appeal I can get.
2. Supply of Chocolate Chip Cookies
Who can say no to cookies?
3. Holograph Image of Waiting Fans
Image encourages real reader to get in line and think, “If this author has a long line, he must be good.”
4. Orchestra
Adds class and smoothes the nerves.
5. Satellite Dish
Don’t want to miss anything good on TV.
Don’t want to miss anything good on TV.
6. Books
100 year old tomes for a scholarly appearance.
7. Computer Screen
Words randomly generated to create appearance that I’m working on my next literary masterpiece.
Words randomly generated to create appearance that I’m working on my next literary masterpiece.
I want one of these. I think I'd prefer Harrison Ford to Mariska though.
ReplyDeleteWhere do I order mine?
ReplyDeleteI especially appreciate the holograph line of fans! Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteThink I'll skip the satellite on mine - could I have flowers instead?
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great idea - if we sell enough books to afford it. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThe AACD is awesome, Lupe. But I'd settle for a slimmed-down soft-lens picture of me - the cool Granny look for a children's book writer. How about adding a glass of wine for my nerves and a pile of my books . . . just in case.
ReplyDeleteMargot’s Magic Carpet
11x Books With a WOW Factor
http://perfectmagiccarpet.blogspot.com/
Dear Valued Writer,
ReplyDeleteCustom options are available for a modest investment. The next model, #47020, will include a garden, male attendant, a wine selection and an enhanced satellite upgrade which allows authors who are parents to remotely view their children.
Sincerely,
AACD Corporation
LOL What a great list for your book signing pleasure! Number three is my favorite!
ReplyDeletehttp://karencioffiwritingandmarketing.com
Dear Ms. Cioffi,
ReplyDeleteA Premium Package for the DAACD #57020 includes Fan Population customized to your specific market.
At a writing conference? Fans appear as rabid fans.
At a Book Expo? Fans appear as important industry figures.
Sincerely,
AACD Corporation
an absolute must-have! (love the holograph)
ReplyDelete~Chelle
http://ChelleCordero.com
Make mine pink! Another great post Lupe!
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Cordero,
ReplyDeleteWe quite agreed. The AACD #37020 is the must-have product of the century. The Gold Premium Design AACD #77020 is geared for the 14-22 demographic. What young adult could do without a Holograph feature while attending social functions?
Sincerely,
The AACD Corporation
Brilliant! Chocolate chip cookies alone would guarantee a crowd.
ReplyDeleteBut forget about signing books. With this new chair, you should just go into business.
Dear Ms. Frances,
ReplyDeleteThank for the encouraging words. Our Premium Gold Member Edition AACD Model #92070 features a virtual canvas for Illustrators.
Sincerely,
The AACD Corporation
Now all you need is a best selling book.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Rae,
ReplyDeleteOur Exclusive Platinum Member AACD Model #100720 includes a best selling book.*
Sincerely,
The AACD Corporation
*Offer Not Valid In the United States