How to Navigate a Writer Social Party

The Wellesbourne

by Lupe Fernandez

As a solitary writer, I seldom get out for social occasions. However, the nature of the business requires certain face-to-face interactions with fellow writers, illustrators and other publication persons of note. Therefore I devised a strategy in how to behave in such an uncontrolled environment. I’d like to share some of my plans in hopes that you, dear reader and fellow shy person, may benefit and derive inspiration.

As a case history, I will use the Kid Lit Event from last December 2011, held at The Wellesbourne, a fine drinking establishment. 

Timeline: 

6:01 pm – Enter doors

• Variation A – Stand on table and scream, “I’m here! Let the party start!
• Variation B – Cry in the corner until someone notices.
• Variation C – Assume a wounded artist demeanor and ignore everyone

 6:15 pm – Unload books for donation

Map of  Social Navigation

6:30 pm – Sample snacks
6:40 pm – Approach someone I recognize from Westside Schmooze and converse
6:58 pm – Find Lovely Lady and start up conversation

• Variation A – “Hey baby, do you want to see my conjunction functions?”
• Variation B – “I’m doing this for the children.”
• Variation C – Remain silent after Lovely Lady slaps my face. 

7:02 pm – Pretend not to be offended when Hot Chick escapes under pretext of getting a drink. 

7:23 pm – Approach Attractive Illustrators at the bar and show my sample calling-card.

• Variation A – “Are you ladies all fashion models?”
• Variation B – “I studied in the Stick-Figure school of thought.”
• Variation C – “Married? My compliments to your absent husband.”

7:24 pm – Pretend to enjoy their laughter at my crude attempts at illustration.

7:30 pm – Check watch to make sure I have not surpassed 3 hour free parking limit.
7:44 pm – Retreat to snack table and eat cookies.
7:56 pm – Wander through rooms on pretending to look for someone.
8:01 pm – See tall blonde with phrase “Dangling Participle” on her red sweater and comment without sounding lewd and lascivious.

8:12 pm – Approach bar and ask about drink cost. 

• Variation A – Buy drinks for all the cute illustrators at the bar. 
• Variation B - Pass out my card and collect phone numbers.
• Variation C – Retreat from bar, not wanted to shell out $10 bucks for tiny drink.

8:15 pm - Wander through rooms on pretending to look for someone.
8:24 pm – Discuss the creative financial struggle with experienced Schmooze regular.

8:43 pm - Check watch to make sure I have not surpassed 3 hour free parking limit.
8:46 pm – Leave establishment so as not to pay for parking.

After Party

Go here for a more accurate version of the Kid Lit Holiday Party! 2011