That Revision. Again.

By Susan J Berger
I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year. My priority this November is Revision.
Again.
I am in awe of Karol Silverstein whose first draft of Cursed was impeccable. Kate's Hero is in fifth draft. I used NaNo last year to do a revision during which I lost the first forty pages of a previous revision and re-wrote extensively to make up for that loss..
I sent it out to a beta reader feeling o-so-proud and found I had a lot more revising to do.
Plus I have another ms in second draft.

My Revision Steps

Step one:

Spell check and punctuation check. I am a terrible typist.

Step two: Kill the unnecessary words:

The Craft of Writing  Fiction says there are five words you can always cut:
I checked these words first.
just,  70 (just has always been one of my personal favorites to over-use.)
really – 19
Quite -7
Perhaps 13
That  392 (Noooo!)

Rebecca Laffar Smith at the Craft of Writing Fiction has a caveat re the word that: This word needs careful consideration. It’s not always one that can be cut without thought like the four above. In that sentence, and this one, the word “that” is used to define the subject of the sentence. But sometimes, even when used in this way, it is not necessary.

 Editor Char Chaffin’s post on revision. says

“DIE, REPEAT WORDS! DIE!”  Ask any author I have edited and they’ll most likely roll their eyes and tell you how I chased after them with a knife, threatening to stab every ‘that’ I saw unless they did it first. Okay, guilty. ::grins:: I’m pretty much murder on repeat words and phrases. Nothing flattens an author’s creative voice worse than those repeats. They need to be the first to go. Make a list, run a global search on each, and get rid of them. Biggest and most frequent offender: the dreaded ‘that.’ About 90% of the time the word isn’t necessary. Chop it out.

Other repeats to look for: so, was, little, bit, then, take, came, went, looked, stepped, moved, saw, watched, felt/feeling, rather, somewhat, large, but, small, up, down, over, under, just, though, however, because, very, really, truly.

Especially with directional words up, down, over, under, you can clear out most. Think of it in terms of how the body moves. When you sit or sink onto an object, you can only sit/sink ‘down’ unless for some reason you want to specifically sit ‘up,’ (obviously you can’t ‘sink up’) in which case you are better served using ‘straightened in her chair’ instead of ‘sat up’ in her chair. In a bed it can go either way, your choice, sit or sit up. But if your character sits on a chair, they only need to sit. Same with stand. You can only stand ‘up.’ So your character only needs to ‘stand.’

Are you confused yet? Now you know how editors sometimes feel. But hey, look: easily 50% of repeat words already gone because you cleared out ‘that’ and its cohorts, plus ‘unneeded directional words!’ Excessive coolness.

I followed Char’s list: What I found:
was – 557  (AAAARGH!!!!)
up - 215
looked  171
but 163 (oi!),
down -125
then 75
so 107
take  106
felt/feeling – 96
over – 89
small - 48
very -43
little - 48 (cut it to 14)
bit - 47 (cut to 17)
came – 41
This is my book and I want it to be the best book I am capable of writing and that includes nit picking the use of every over-used word listed above on a case by case basis.
I am not as worried about the rest of her list. 
went - 29,  stepped - 17, moved - 17, saw - 17, watched 14, rather -14, large - 14, under 22, though – 9 because – 31 truly - 1  however – 1 somewhat -0 (Yes!)

Step three.
Read your book out loud. Yup. Sit at your computer or print out a copy. It's amazing what I discover when I perform this step. (You will have to print another copy after you read your story out loud and the odd blooper or shaky writing shows up. Which I why I prefer to do the read-aloud at the computer.)

Step four
Print out a fresh hard copy. Put it in a binder. Make a title page. Write a great blurb (or put the name of an author you love and pretend you are reading their book.)

Read like a reader. Take minimal notes. Fight the urge to edit

5 Symbols you can use:

1. Smiley face: Like it a lot
2. Check mark: Story Dragging
3. ( ): Clunk writing. Metaphors they don't work. Sentences that don't make sense.
4. O : Material missing.... Transition point? Explanation?
5. ? : What was I thinking? I am Confused!

Now I make notes for myself.
What, if anything did I find missing?
Did I stay in POV? (I am currently on a POV edit on my fifth draft.)
At what point could a busy editor put my book aside and not come back to it?
What do I need to change to make it compelling?

Now you are ready for the next draft. Rewrite according to the new story. (Please let this be the definitive draft.)
Write On!

 

What's Wrong With This Query Letter?

by Lupe Fernandez

Don't let this happen to you. 

My comfort food.
What's yours?

Missy, my pet Iguana,
having heart surgery.

That f**king whore that 

my f***king Ex-husband left me for.

Text Translation:

Dear Mr. or Mrs. Agent and or Editor,

I got this manuscript that I’ve worked on a lot time. My critique group says it’s really good and that I should submit it. I’m always wanted to be a writer but I came from a broken home with a terrible childhood, my dog died and my house burned down and the police arrested my sister under the RICO Act. So I’ve had a hard life, but writing is something I really want to do. I haven’t read many books on young adult, but I have a few kids so I write down what they say!!

I know you’re really busy, but if you could find the time to read my novel I’d really appreciate it. I’ll check with you next week to see if you’ve read it. It’s really good. My therapist says it represents the trauma of my childhood and is good to talk about these things!!!

Oh I guess I should probably tell you what it’s about. Well, my novel is a about a girl who really likes this boy but he’s on the lacrosse team and this girl named Mandy Todd – she’s based on my worst enemy from high school Mary Tee – and she like all over him and he doesn’t notice me even though I’m nice and don’t have big boobs and then this teacher, Mr. Hutton, who’s really a unicorn in disgust gives my character advice on how to deal with that lying slut whore Mary Tee. I mean, Mandy Tood!!!!

Enclosed please find some fresh baked organic oatmeal cookies made from free range non-gluten wheat.

Here’s my phone number XXX-XXX-XXXX

My email address xxxxxxx@.xxxx.xxx

I have my therapy appointment everyday at 11am, so call before 11am because I’m a mess after my session. I’m making great progress on my abandonment issues!!!!

*****************************
Submit your query letter to penink04@gmail.com
Our well-adjusted writers will review your query letter and send you thoughtful suggestions to avoid embarrassing yourself.

Act now while the offer lasts. Deadline is Midnight November 30th.

Never Right the First Time or How I Learned to Love Revision

Mary Ann Rodman

When I was in school? Writing = grammar. Since creative writing was not part of the curriculum, I invented my own ways to sneak it in. The “make sentences with your spelling words” assignment became short stories. Science reports became episodes of Mr. Wizard or Wild Kingdom. Writing, I was in The Zone even before there was a “Zone.”

What was not to love about writing?

Revision.

Just as writing = grammar, revision = correction. A “corrected assignment” was perfectly spelled and punctuated, contained only complete sentences, with all the nouns and verbs agreeing.

Teachers also wanted tidy work. My papers looked like grey Swiss cheese, with streaks of partially erased words, and holes where I had erased, too hard. No one cared what I wrote. No one ever suggested revision as a way of making my writing more concise or interesting. Once I mastered the dictionary and erasing with less vigor, I was done.

My No Revision Policy continued into high school, where I won several local and national writing contests. I was a real writer, and real writers always got it right the first time.

Then I met The Famous Southern Writer.

One of my contest prizes was lunch with The Famous Southern Writer. I was fifteen and had zero Idea of who he was or how gifted. I was much more interested in the prize check he would award me at the end of the meal.

The Writer liked to talk, mostly about the Agony of Writing. Of how he tore up five pages for every one that satisfied him. “I lose track of how many revisions my current book has gone through,” he moaned over his iced tea.

Gee, I thought, he must not be that good if he keeps writing stuff over and over. So when The Writer stopped talking long enough to take a bite of salad, I chirped right up. “You know, I never write anything but once.”

The Writer put his fork down. “Is that so?” he drawled. “Only once?”

I nodded modestly, trying not to blush.

“Well, my dear,” said The Writer, “some day you will learn to re-write and re-write and after all that, the d*** thing still will sound awful to you. Then you’ll be a real writer.”

You would think such honest and direct advice would’ve been my big “Ah-ha!” moment.

It wasn’t. Fifteen-year-olds often think they are very wise.

Not until the Vermont College of Fine Arts Program did I learn the how and why of revision. Then-faculty members Phyllis Root and Ron Koertge gave me an instant lesson in my first workshop. (Workshop is the heart of the VCFA program, where students share their work in small groups, critically assessing with praise as well as questions.) I listened in awe as Phyllis made rapid-fire suggestions.

“Have you thought about making it a short story? Or a picture book? Maybe the story belongs to another character?”

Then it was my turn. I stammered that the first twenty pages of my novel didn’t seem to be working. “I don’t know what to do with it,” I said, feeling very much not a real writer.

“I can tell you exactly what to do with it,” said Ron. Carefully, he counted out fourteen pages and thunked them into the trash can. “There,” he said. “Your story really starts on page fifteen.”

I looked at page fifteen of what ultimately became Yankee Girl and heard my old friend, The Southern Writer chuckling, “Told you so, girl.”

To quote William Zinsser’s book, On Writing: “Re-writing is the essence of writing well…We all have emotional equity in our first draft; we can’t believe it wasn’t born perfect. But the odds are close to 100 per cent that it wasn’t.”

WRITER’S WORKOUT: Here are a few revision tricks I use. One is to emotionally distance yourself from the piece, especially if your characters are based on people you know. Another (a la Phyllis Root) is to change a basic element: write it in third person instead of first. Change the tense. Change the point of view. And if all else fails, put it away for awhile, then look at it again.

Keep an open mind. What you think is a picture book (which was the case with Jimmy’s Stars) might really be a novel. Or vice versa. You can’t force a story into a genre, any more than you can force size 8 feet into size 6 shoes (even if they are really cute and on sale).

Mary Ann Rodman is a VCFA grad. Her first picture book, My Best Friend, won the Ezra Jack Keats and Charlotte Zolotow Awards. Her middle grade historical fictions books: Yankee Girl and Jimmy’s Stars, have won or been nominated for over a dozen awards, both here and in the UK. She is one of the six teaching authors featured on the blog www.teachingauthors.com 

Revision

by Hilde Garcia
The worst part, my process, my visions of grandeur.

A friend called me eighteen years ago and said, “I have a proposition for you.  You write a book, I’ll illustrate it, we’ll split the profits 50/50.”  I said, “Sure,” and banged out a picture book draft that night.  I called her back the next day and said, “Hey instead of dealing with more rejection (I was an actor at the time), how about we start our own bilingual publishing company?”  SO, we did.  It was called Caliente Publishing.  My unrevised, unedited, under-illustrated manuscript was our first acquisition.  And we had one teeny, tiny problem, no money.  SO much for that road.  Thank goodness.

Now what?  What to do next?  Well, I put it in the drawer and fifteen years went by. 

“Hey, have you heard of SCBWI?” I tell this friend three years ago.  “I’m gonna take our book and see if I can get it published.  I mean, it’s already illustrated and that’s half the battle.”  And her reply was, “Awesome.”  You never know, right?

Wrong.  Oh so wrong. 

I bring my beautifully illustrated ms to the conference in LA and the first Keynote speaker’s words of wisdom are- “If you are not an artist, don’t illustrate your own book.”  Well, I made sure not to show that draft to anyone.  Then I had it reviewed by a professional critiquer. I was sure this person would love to see my finished draft.

I had paid for a thirty minute consultation.  That took about ninety seconds for her to say, no way José.  The rest was going to be silence. Deadly, silence.

“So do you have anything else?”  The critiquer asks me.  “Yes” I say, on auto pilot.

In the world of acting, you always have an extra song, monologue, or comedy routine planned, in case they don’t like your first stuff.  SO I say yes.

Jane Yolen

I only had a title.  What do I have to loose?  After a fun 28.5 minutes of discussion, the person says to me, “If you write that story, I want to read it.”  Ok, well, then let me write it. How hard can this be?

Six months later, I have a draft.  I think it is fabulous.  It made me cry.  I ask my husband to read it.  It makes him cry, but not for the same reason.  SO I get it, it’s a lousy first draft, but I have no clue what to do next.

“Revision.”  What the heck is revision?  Jane Yolen says it is to see your MS with new eyes again.  But what am I seeing?

Lisa Yee

I’m sitting in a workshop with Lisa Yee and she’s telling us all about revision.  And I only have one question, “How do I know that the word I am changing or deleting isn’t supposed to stay in?”  What if I chop out a good part, an award winning sentence?

She says, “If it is supposed to be in the book it will be, even when you revise.”  HUH?  SO I begin trying to fix the draft.  Hubby tries to help, and it almost cost us the marriage- note to self: hubby is not a good person to have as critique partner in most cases, stick with a stranger).

I go at it alone for six months.  Everyone says to me, you need a critique group.  Yeah, ok, but where do you shop for one?  And once you have them, what do you do with them?  Do you feed them? (Apparently, yes you do with cookies.)

Then I form a group, quite serendipitously, since I have never done it before and they were and are my saving grace.  With their careful help, we took the draft apart and one year later, (18 months to the day I finished the first awful original draft), I have a draft that is ready to send to an agent. 

Which I do.

And the agent loves it, but she wants to see another revision.  “No problem,” I say. 

A long way from “Huh?”

I bang this one out in three months, from start to finish.  No longer was I worried about what I was chopping.  I was excited about the stuff that was flourishing as a result.  Of course, I forgot what my kids looked like, (thank goodness for the 35 hours of public school which provided me time to write so I could still play with my kids after school).

And here I am, 3.5 years from the pitch of a title and idea to a finished MS with an agent and which has undergone several revisions.  I have seen it all new and it’s a great view. 

And the job at hand now?  To revise and deepen one main character.

Piece of revision cake.

THE ANNIVERSARY EDITION A Year of Spectacular Postings

Photo by L. Fernandez

Critique Offer
Last Day. Last Day. Last Day.
Offer Ends Today at the Stroke of Midnight.

That's it.

The End.

No More.

Done.

In honor of our anniversary, we are offering a Peer Review Critique! We build our email list. You get a critique of the first three pages of your current MS. Everybody wins.

 

We are not agents nor editors, we are writers, we understand how you feel. We know sometimes, a new pair of eyes works wonders.

In these tough economic times, it's nice to know that some things are still free!

This limited time offer begins November 1st and ends November 30th, 2010.

What kind of critique?

That depends on which one of us does the critique. We all have different strengths. 

• Hilde G. the quietest member of our group, will search for voice and help you strengthen it.
• Lupe F. caresses characters, palpitates plots, and strokes styles. Satisfaction Guaranteed. Outcall Service Available.
• Sue B. often swirls your thoughts around in her magic teapot and puts them in a new order.
• Kris K. the picture book writer and sanest member of our group excels at logic problems, fact verification and all things grammatical.

Guidelines:

• Must be first three pages of your story.
• One story per author.
• Please do not submit unedited Nano Pages.
• Submit to penink04@gmail.com. Put Critique request in the subject line.
• Provide us with your name, email address, genre and a brief synopsis in an email and then attach your document.

Happy Writing!

THE ANNIVERSARY EDITION A Year of Spectacular Postings

Pen & Ink is One Year Old

...but only for TWO, count 'em TWO more days.

Hurry.

We know who you are.

Offer ends November 30th at the stroke of Midnight.

Photo by L. Fernandez

In honor of our anniversary, we are offering a Peer Review Critique! We build our email list. You get a critique of the first three pages of your current MS. Everybody wins.

We are not agents nor editors, we are writers, we understand how you feel. We know sometimes, a new pair of eyes works wonders.

In these tough economic times, it's nice to know that some things are still free!

This limited time offer begins November 1st and ends November 30th, 2010.

What kind of critique?

That depends on which one of us does the critique. We all have different strengths.

• Hilde G. the quietest member of our group, will search for voice and help you strengthen it.
• Lupe F. caresses characters, palpitates plots, and strokes styles. Satisfaction Guaranteed. Outcall Service Available.
• Sue B. often swirls your thoughts around in her magic teapot and puts them in a new order.
• Kris K., the picture book writer and sanest member of our group excels at logic problems, fact verification and all things grammatical.

Guidelines: 

• Must be first three pages of your story.
• One story per author.
• Please do not submit unedited Nano Pages.
• Submit to penink04@gmail.com. Put Critique request in the subject line.
• Provide us with your name, email address, genre and a brief synopsis in an email and then attach your document.

Happy Writing!

Mad Hatter Day

by Susan Berger

October 6th is listed in the Holiday Insight Calendar as Mad Hatter Day.

Why? In Alice in Wonderland, the original – the mad Hatter wore a hat that had a white slip that said 10/6. This referred to the price of the hat (Ten Shillings and sixpence) but someone thought it would make a good holiday.

I like it.

In honor of Mad Hatter Day here is some writing advice from Lewis Carol’s Characters. 

March Hare

Why don't you start at the beginning?

King of Hearts

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.

The Gryphon

Adventures first...explanations take such a dreadful time.

Eaglet

Speak English! I don't know the meaning of half those long words, and I don't believe you do either!

Alice

What is the use of a book, without pictures or conversations?

Doorknob

Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.

The Duchess

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.

The White Queen

Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

And then comes the critique….

The Red Queen

Sentence first -- verdict afterwards

Alice

I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it.

Alice

I think I should understand that better, if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.

The Mock Turtle

What is the use of repeating all that stuff, if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most confusing thing I ever heard!

Alice

It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.

How you feel after the critique?

Alice

I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!

___________________

On October 17th Kris Kahrs and I will be attending and SCBWI event called “Down the Rabbit Hole.” We will board a train at Union Station and journey to San Juan Capistrano.

Dawne Knobbe and Svett Moondog of Infuse the Muse http://infusethemuse.wordpress.com
will stir our creative juices and we will come home replete with great ideas.

Here is a Mad Hatter exercise:. Take a saying. i.e. “skeletons in the closet” “Glass houses” and write about is as if it was real. Here is a link to a list of proverbs http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/proverbs.html

Happy writing!

Getting Ready For Revision

by Susan Berger
(I took these notes at the 2008 BEA Writers Conference. I finished turning my NaNoWriMo novel into a readable first draft. So now I am going to follow this advice. Wish me luck)

Print out a fresh hard copy. Put it in a binder. Make a title page. Write a great blurb (or put the name of an author you love and pretend you are reading their book.)

Read like a reader. Take minimal notes. Fight the urge to edit

5 Symbols you can use:

1. Smiley face: Like it a lot
2. Check mark: Story Dragging
3. ( ): Clunk writing. Metaphors they don't work. Sentences that don't make sense.
4. O : Material missing.... Transition point? Explanation?
5. ? : What was I thinking? I am Confused!

Now it is time for analysis:
Does my story make sense?
Do the Characters act like real people.

At every significant juncture in the story look at the viewpoint of every character and let them make thee best move they can from his or her point of view.

Are there any coincidences that HELP the lead character? This is not generally a good idea. Coincidence should HURT the lead character.

Are the stakes high enough? Is "Death" overhanging. Either Physical, professional or psychological or emotional Death?

Societal stakes: Does what happens to the character affect the people around him?

Do the scenes flow or are they choppy?

Does the story feel organic?

Are the transitions clear?

Helpful thing to do: Create an actual physical calendar. Put in the plot points.

Do my main characters "jump off the page"?

Write simple stories with complex characters. The key to originality in fiction is not the plot, but the characters. 

Follow the character's passion. What does he yearn for?

Helpful thing to do: Create an off camera scene. Put the character in an uncomfortable place. See what she/he does

Is there enough "worry fodder"? We want to care about these people.

At what point could a busy editor put my book aside and not come back to it?

"A great story is life with the dull parts taken out."

Write a summary (2000-3000 words.) Change what you need to make it compelling.

Now you are ready for the second draft. Rewrite according to the new story.

Helpful thing to do: Go to a bookstore and read all of Dean Koontz's opening paragraphs. I would add to that: Read the opening of Ellen Raskin's "The Westing Game." I went to Barnes and Noble and spent an hour reading opening pages. I do this for both picture books and novels.

Revision Process

by Lupe Fernandez

This is a page from my YA manuscript "Medicine Boy" that I revised. Looks easy, doesn't it?

Revision Notes

by Hilde Garcia

Last week, I shared my notes from Karen Cushman’s break out sessions. Here is some excellent information from Jordan’s session as well as a little about him.

Jordan Brown joined Walden Pond Press at HarperCollins Children’s Books in October 2008, having spent his first five years in publishing with Atheneum Books/Simon & Schuster. One of his first acquisitions, M. Sindy Felin’s Touching Snow, was a National Book Award finalist, an Edgar Award nominee, and an ALA Best Book for Young Adults.

In the notes I took in his sessions, he discusses two types of revision and pacing.

Jordan Brown
Now What? Revision

Large Scale Revision Tips

1. What is the age of the MC? Make sure to match the age to the group you write for.
2. Ask yourself, can kids relate to your character?
3. What’s the number one thing that drives your MC?
4. Not all scenes build on narrative thread… so pay attention to sub scenes or stories.
5. If you delete sub stories, what is your main thread? Is it clear?
6. Play with the order of your scenes and where your story begins and don’t toss anything away.

But there are times when it is helpful to put your beats/scenes in order, ie historical fiction.

Small Scale Revision Tips

1. Overwrite if you have to, so then you can edit what the character actually sees and wants to say.
2. Look for the moments that tell you about MC by showing them in a situation and how they react.
3. Write an important and unique story and try not to do something that is over done.
4. Delete a character that is not serving the story’s arc. How does that improve the story?
5. What’s this the most important story/moment in the character’s life?

Pacing Consideration

1. If it gets to resolution to quickly, it didn’t go the extra step, that’s a let down, so go back and add levels.
2. Give something that you don’t expect should happen.
3. Telling old stories in new ways is great like a classic story with a new twist.
4. Think outside the box in the format of your story telling.
5. Great characters have to be in your story, not just great main characters.
6. A great plot does not equal a great book. Look at elements like theme, etc.

I enjoyed listening to these tips. I love when someone like and editor or an agent breaks it down and makes it tangible. I feel it helps give me a starting point. I am in the middle of a grand scale revision, which Jordan said, traditionally is longer. His session was very helpful. I have these tips in my notebook and when I am stuck, I check them to see if there is something I can do to move my writing forward. I am glad to share them with you.

Jane Yolen refers to revision as a “new vision”. You see your words in a new way and that gives you another layer for your story. I like that. Here’s wishing you a happy new vision on all your story ideas.

Revision Process

by Lupe Fernandez

A page from my manuscript "Medicine Boy."

Revision Hints from the '08 SBA Writer's Conference

Revison Tactics


I got these hints from the 2008 SBA writers conference. I find them very helpful. I hope you will too.

Get Ready
Print out a fresh hard copy.
Put it in a binder.
Make a title page.
Write a great blurb (or put the name of an author you love and pretend you are reading their book.)

Reading your Revision
Read like a reader.
Take minimal notes.
Fight the urge to edit

However if you Must edit, here are five quick editing symbols you can use:
1. Smiley face: Like it a lot
2. Check mark: Story Dragging
3. ( ): Clunk writing. Metaphors they don't work. Sentences that don't make sense.
4. O : Material missing.... Transition point? Explanation?
5. ? : What was I thinking? I am Confused!

When you finish the first read, it is time for analysis:
Does my story make sense?
Do the Characters act like real people?
Is the setting a character in my story ? (The soul of a place comes from the person who is experiencing the place. What about the place does the protagonist not understand. What are three details only your protagonist can see)

Helpful thing to do: (send your character forward in time one year from the time the story ends. How do they see it now)

The Characters
The voice of the author comes from the characters. How do they express themselves.

At every significant juncture in the story look at the viewpoint of every character and let them make thee best move they can from his or her point of view.

Are there any coincidences that HELP the lead character? This is not generally a good idea. Coincidence should HURT the lead character.

Are the stakes high enough? Is "Death" overhanging. Either Physical, professional or psychological or emotional Death?

Societal stakes: Does what happens to the character affect the people around him?

Do the scenes flow or are they choppy?

Does the story feel organic?
Are the transitions clear?
Helpful thing to do: Create an actual physical calendar. Put in the plot points.

Do my main characters "jump off the page"?
Write simple stories with complex characters. The key to originality in fiction is not the plot, but the characters.

Follow the character's passion. What does he yearn for?

Helpful thing to do: Create an off camera scene. Put the character in an uncomfortable place. See what she/he does

Is there enough "worry fodder"? We want to care about these people.

At what point could a busy editor put my book aside and not come back to it?

"A great story is life with the dull parts taken out."

Write a summary (2000-3000 words.) Change what you need to make it compelling.
Now you are ready for the second draft. Rewrite according to the new story.

Helpful thing to do: Go to a bookstore and read all of Dean Koontz's opening paragraphs. I would add to that: Read the opening of Ellen Raskin's "The Westing Game." I went to Barnes and Noble and spent an hour reading opening pages. I do this for both picture books and novels